37 weeks today.
This is the point in pregnancy where time seems to slow way down. So far this pregnancy has passed by fairly quickly but I have a feeling this last week will take forever to get through and I plan to continue to work up until the day before I go in to have the c-section. It’s also the point in pregnancy where the misery is real. Sleeping is non-existent and so is comfort. So naturally this is the point in pregnancy where women generally begin to complain about how uncomfortable they are and the desire to have baby come anytime now. I know I have felt this way plenty of times and vocalize (complain) about how uncomfortable I am.
Yesterday while at work, as I miserably dragged my giant belly into yet another patient’s room, I had a family member ask when I was due. I told her and added on that I was so ready for it to be that day. She then made the comment that I should cherish this time being pregnant since so many women struggle to conceive in the first place while others have to suffer through miscarriages. She then said I should be thankful to be able to carry a healthy child to term. I was taken aback. I was unsure what to say and had no intention of divulging my past with this woman who was essentially a stranger to me. What this woman didn’t know was that I did lose a pregnancy prior to having my son and while that loss was extremely difficult and still effects me to this day it doesn’t change the fact that the end of pregnancy can be a miserable experience for some.
What I really wanted to say to this woman was just because I’m complaining doesn’t mean that I don’t care. That I don’t feel for those women that come into the ED having miscarriages, the ones that have struggled for years to conceive, the babies that are born sleeping or the babies that have devastating medical problems that last long after birth. I understand what these woman are going through and I grieve with them, I cry with them, and I know how terrible it is to imagine a future with a child only for that to be taken away. This is what I wanted to say but I didn’t. Instead I politely smiled and walked out of the room and back to work but her statement has continued to bother me.
So yes, I am 37 weeks pregnant today and some days are harder then others to get through and yes, I am miserable more days then not. 17 weeks ago I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to this point because of complications the doctors were worried about. I am scheduled for a c-section next week at 38 weeks so unless spontaneous labor happens before then it looks like we will be meeting our new baby in a week. I’m excited to have an end date in site but nervous at the same time. A repeat c-section was not what I had in mind for this baby due to it being major abdominal surgery but I would rather have her here safe and healthy then be set in my ideals of what a perfect birth plan is.
I wish I had told that patient’s family member that I am thankful to be carrying a healthy baby but that doesn’t diminish the fact that I’m struggling with these last couple of weeks and that I am terrified of a repeat c-section. So to all those pregnant women out there in the last month of pregnancy, I feel for you and I understand you. And to all those women out there struggling to conceive or who have lost a baby, I too feel for you and understand what you are going through.