I knew from an early age that I wanted to have children. In that same thought I also knew that I did not want to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) to those children. Being on maternity leave has been amazing. I truly have enjoyed this time with my new baby and I know that when I go back to work in a little over 3 weeks I will be sad. Sad that I have to leave her with someone else as well as feeling incredible mom guilt for going back to work when I should be at home with my child. Even with the guilt and sadness I am not ready to stay at home with my children. Here’s why:
- I love my job
I know being a mom is suppose to be the best job in the world and I love my children unconditionally. With that said, I also love my job as a nurse. I worked hard and overcame many obstacles to get into the career that I am in today and I am not fully ready to give it up. Healthcare is continually evolving and hospitals are implementing new procedures and policies all the time. Leaving nursing to stay home with my children ultimately may effect my ability to return into the same job when and if I chose to go back.
2. I’m not productive
SAHMs have to balance children, the household, appointments, grocery shopping, cooking and other duties I’m sure I forgot to mention. I’m far too lazy to balance all that, not to mention I get easily distracted. The only thing I’m good at getting through while I’m home in a day is 10 episodes of a show on Netflix and a bottle of wine. I at least manage to get the children fed and bathed by the end of the day so in my book that’s a win.
3. None of my friends are
None of my friends are SAHMs which makes it even less desirable for me to be one. I’m sure some of you are thinking “well what about mommy and me groups” or “baby time at the library, I’m sure there are a ton of moms there!” If I’m being honest, I don’t make friends very easily. My RBF (resting bitch face) game is strong and many people don’t view sarcasm as an acceptable communication strategy. This makes initiation of friendships challenging. Maybe if I had more mom friends with kids that are Avery’s age the thought would be more appealing. As it is now while on maternity leave, I feel lonely most of the time and Avery only tolerates my conversational skills for a limited time.
4. I’m not creative
SAHMs have to be creative. After all they are entertaining tiny humans who have the attention span of a fruit fly. I can be creative in other areas such as sewing and writing but when it comes to an infant or a toddler I have no clue how to entertain them all day. I’m really good at entertaining myself but usually small children don’t like to sit quietly and read or go shopping at Target.
5. We can’t afford it
Mortgage, car payments, car insurance, student loans and all other bills that have accumulated overtime need to be paid somehow. This would not be possible on one income alone. Yes, childcare can be expensive but the cost of childcare is far less then what I make in a week. Maybe it would be different if I needed to have multiple children in daycare but thankfully currently there is just the one.
I admire stay at home moms. I know that their job is not easy and they rarely get a break from the insanity. I don’t want anyone to think that in making this post that I think that I think stay at home moms have an easier job then I do because I know 100% that is not the case. Maybe someday I will change my mind about wanting to stay home with my kids but for now I will head back to work in about 3 weeks and try and not feel guilty for doing so.
I was a stay at home mom and it was not easy. There were days that I was not productive at all and if you’re not productive, it seems like everything else falls apart.
I bet it must be hard to balance it all especially when your number one job it to make sure the kids stay alive! I could only imagine how it would feel like everything else is falling apart around you if you don’t get something done.
Both being a SAHM and a working mom have their challenges. It’s great to know which one you would enjoy (and survive) better in.
Yes they both do have their challenges. Me working works for us and our family!
I am a stay at home mom and I love it. However, it is certainly NOT for everyone. Food for you for recognizing that it isn’t your path and going for what is right for your family. I know there can be pressure on working moms. I know some people think its wrong to work when you have children. Those people can stuff it. You have to always do what is best for you and your family. Good for you for putting your family first. 🙂
I seriously admire you so much for staying home with the kids. Thank you for reminding me not to care what others think about being a working mom! With my first child I had to go back to work at 6 weeks and felt absolutely terrible that I was leaving him with strangers essentially at a daycare. At least this time around I am fortunate enough to have 12 weeks off and my mom will help care for her till the end of summer.
This was me until I was laid off in January. I admire your ability to be so transparent but I want to challenge you to change your mindset about #4 and #3. The internet makes both of those a bit safer than joining a class and in the comfort of your own home you can reach out and find new ways to make things without fear of being judged if you fail miserably! I promise your kids won’t care or know the difference if what you choose to do does not come out perfect🙂! I was never one for joining online groups and my friends are mostly single without children. I will say, again… the internet has become a very safe zone to share lately since being laid off!! You don’t have to be a SAHM for either and both serve as a great outlet for your ocean of mommy emotions in case you choose 🤗
You are so right in the online support that exists for moms. I have joined several groups throughout my pregnancy and afterwards and I absolutely love the community they have to offer. Thank you so much for the comment! It is so hard to try and remember that our children won’t remember that we aren’t perfect but you are so right.
Love the honesty in your post! I too am not nearly productive enough and can definitely relate to the Netflix binging! 🤦🏽♀️ Good luck with your return to work!
Thank you so much! I have a couple of weeks left of maternity leave and as excited I am to go back I know I will miss my little gal. It’s what I need though for my own sanity!
OMG! This entire post spoke to my soul. Staying at home drove me crazy and I felt less productive. 3-5 we are the same! Great read!😊
Thank you! I think it is important for moms to know that not wanting to be a SAHM is okay!!!
I never had any intention of being a SAHM. I went to college to be a journalist (I was already married and a mom to 1). I was at my dream job for two months before I got pregnant with my middle son. At that point, I realized that I’d be paying for daycare and it was then that we decided to homeschool also. My dream job turned into a nightmare once I got pregnant. My boss was unsympathetic and I was in a newsroom of men.
Because I am a SAHM our family has had to make sacrifices and it is tough! Working is tough and staying home is tough. The important thing is doing what is best for your family. Honestly, there are days when I wonder if being a SAHM is best, but at the end of the day, I know that this is what I am supposed to do.
I’ve been a SAHM for 15 years now and I’ve heard this sentiment from many mother almost the entire time. I also homeschool my children, and hear things like, “Oh, I could never do that” as well from mothers all the time too. I think its safe to say that we as mothers would do anything we had to if our children really needed it or if we thought it was best, so I just smile when I hear people say things like this. I respect that we as mothers do what we feel is best and what works best for our families, but, I just don’t believe there is anything that we can’t do if there was truly a need regarding our children.
I tilt my hat off to stay at home moms because that job does not look easy at all. I definitely could not be about that life lol.
I think it’s good to be a stay a home mother! I eventually want to retire my wife in the next year or two (no more) so that she can stay at home with our children. Plus, I feel it’s more socially acceptable too!
I think having other stay at home moms in your circle of friends is huge. I would find it very difficult to not have the frequent social interaction.
We all have our life path and it’s okay to embrace that. Live and let live is the way to peace.
This is such an honest and relatable post. I think it’s so important that women support women, regardlesss of how they choose to parent.
Being a SAHM is not for the faint-hearted. Raising a family is tough for both Sahm’s and working moms. As long as your honest about what you can and can’t handle, whichever decision you choose will be what’s best for your family.
These are all very reasonable and valid reasons to not be a SAHM. It is so dependent on an individuals life, and people need to do whats best for themselves.
I think it is practical to work and still raise kids. You just have to be responsible with your time and think ahead
Both are not easy but it is really up to you what you are going to choose but if I am in your situation I will choose to be a working not because I don’t want to stay at home but because I want to help my husband with our finances.
I stopped working when I had my first baby but 6 months after giving birth I decided to go back to work because of the same reasons as you have. When I have my second baby I finally decided to become a full-time SAHM and after a year I decided to work again but at home and I am happy that I am good at doing both tasks.
I am a SHAM today. Enjoying my baby’s hug and kisses such a happy feeling. I had been waited for a long time before i became a mother. But need to work also, planning to have business, all for her.
Moms in general are rockstars but it is refreshing to read your post acknowledging both sides! I’m not a mother yet and couldn’t be a SAHM even if I wanted to (bills and debt are too much to deal with one income unfortunately). Enjoy the remainder of your time home though and your little ones!
I admit that being a stay at home Mom is not so easy. There are many obligations waiting, but there’s a lot of income we can do at home too. At the same time you will see your kids everyday, but we need to think that we love first the choice we made. I’m glad that you still thinking about it.
I think there is a lot of pressure to be a SAHM but everyone is different and a lot of women love their jobs. I hope that everything works out for you, I’m sure it’s not easy but I bet you can do it.