I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately and how over the years the types of friends that I have or have made recently has evolved and changed. When you are young it is way easier to make friends through school or sports or common interests. As you get older friendships become more difficult to make and maintain with work schedules and children. This and a recent friendship ending has got me thinking about the types of friends you have as an adult. Here are the 5 types of adult friendships I have discovered over the years.
I’ve said it before; I’m terrible at making mom friends. I will never be the head of the PTA nor will I be the mom that volunteers weekly at my children’s schools. i do participate though as my schedule allows and have made what I like to call “mom acquaintances.” When I see these other moms at school or sporting events we talk about our kids who are in the same grade together and discuss some aspects of our personal lives but never fully get to know each other. These mom acquaintances are invaluable though. They help us navigate our children’s schools, homework and activities. When I made the decision to switch Hayden’s school, take on a sport or volunteer to head a chair for the school’s auction these moms are there to cheer me on. I wish I had more mom friends though, especially right now while Avery is so little. It would nice to have those friends with kids the same age to meet and support one another has we navigate the first year of our children’s lives. If you are lucky enough to make these friends, hold on to them.
Some of the best people that I have met, I have met through work. Working as nurse can really limit friendships: long hours, weekends and holidays not to mention the utter physical and mental exhaustion on days off does not bode well for friendships. So naturally you gravitate towards those that share a similar schedule and similar personality including being completely inappropriate the majority of the time. Conversations with these friends are easy because you can be your dark, twisted self free of judgement. These friends also embrace and encourage my sarcastic side and push past my resting bitch face to see the real me. I have been lucky enough to have some pretty amazing work friends that have become friends that I can’t live without.
Social Media Friends
We live in a day where social media is a huge component of our daily interactions. Facebook, Instagram, blogs, Twitter (which I personally don’t have) all create a different circle of friendships and support. I love following former friends or classmates on these platforms and seeing how their lives have evolved and check out pictures of their beautiful families. It’s a nice way to stay in touch with these old friends that you grew apart from. I have also found a tribe of sorts through Instagram. Moms supporting moms creates a sense of community with essentially strangers. I have met inspirational individuals through this platform and while we are not “real life” friends we support, encourage and celebrate little victories on these social platforms with each other.
The friends you CAN live without
As you get older your tolerance for bullshit and negativity diminishes and you begin to realize there are so many people in your life who surround you with their drama. You begin to realize who you actually want in your life versus who you can do without and over the years I have cut ties with those who I have learned in the end really don’t give a shit about me.
Let me share a story with you about a recent friendship that ended. I won’t go into full details but this friend was someone I have known since before high school and even lived with in college. So over the last few years this friend and I have been slowly drifting away. I will admit I played a roll in the rift that developed between us but while I was continuing to reach out, she was talking about me to my ex-husband who I was in the middle of a nasty divorce with, and then lied to me about it. At a mutual friend’s going away party, despite my best efforts to be nice and reach out, she snubbed her nose at anything I said and did her best to avoid me. She hammered the final nail into our friendship coffin when she deleted me as her friend on Facebook just the other day which spurred this post. My point is that no matter how long this girl was my friend or how much over the years I did for her she didn’t care enough to try and mend fences, instead she resorted to immature means to end the friendship. Now this person is the example of the types of friends that I can live without.
The friends you CAN’T live without
These are the friendships that no matter the distance, time spent apart or disagreements hold up. The friends that will always show up after you have a baby to bring you a home cooked meal or to your kid’s birthday party. They also will be the ones you turn to when you fight with your spouse or just need someone to talk to. They are the friends that stand by you through thick and thin and the friends you never argue with. They are also the friends that will be brutally honest with you even though you may not want to hear it but you appreciate hearing it. These are the friends that you hold onto and value because friends like these don’t come around very often.
Most of my friends are social media friends these days. I don’t get out enough lol. #momlife
Namesste Momma says
Yes! I appreciated the Mom Friends section. I too have Mom acquaintances that are invaluable. I’m also grateful to have friends from work, social media, & that I can’t live without. It’s such an important part of self care to have friends.
I have a VERY small tribe of friends and I like it that way. Less drama and bullshit.
I love this. My mom friends/social media friends are the best.
“The friends you can’t live without”— These are the true friends that ought to be cherished
My faves are def social media friends and work friends Since I’ve spend so much time on both. The 3 girls I’ve know for over 10 years are my CANT live w/o. Love this article!
Michelle Milla says
I have a VERY small group of friends that I can’t live without. I love them because no matter how long it’s been, we can always pick up where we left off.
Best article on friendship I have ever read. I loved how you distinguish friends depending on how and where you meet.
It’s important to recognize the friends you CAN and CANNOT live without. You have to make the right choices.
Liz Siemers says
This is such a nice post. I’ve never had a ton of close friends, and reading this makes me realize I need more “mom” friends in this area. It can be weird when the only you have in common with someone is your kids, but it’s good to have those relationships and connections!
Thank you so much for the great post. I love how you categorized all possible friendships, it is so true.
Ah yes, this is SO true! You hit the nail on the head with this one. I think as we get older, we realise that we don’t have to tolerate some people – and that’s a healthy progression!
Yeah Lifestyle says
It is funny, I have never realised but I do have all these type of friendships myself. The friend you lived with in college sounds awful and I think you are well rid of her.
Love this post! I feel like i have a lot of social media friends but need to get some mom friends.
I’ve made so many friends through social media! It’s incredible how technology connects people from around the world! The most important though is having a good, strong bond with your parents 🙂
It’s interesting how friendships evolve over time. Some friends I made in high school and college were people I thought I could never live without. Then, due to distance and time, they are now people I can and do live without. Luckily, I still have a few people in my “can’t live without” circle, so all is well. 🙂
True, I agree with you that as we grow older and have children, finding friends is not easy as when we were young. Right now, I only have one friend that I know I can always count on.
Great post. Thanks for sharing!
Tiffany La Forge-Grau says
It seems that our friendship needs change as our life circumstances do. I don’t expect the same nor do I want the same type of friendship I had when I was younger now that I am married with children. My husband is my best friend now.
Surekha Busa says
I have a lot of different types of friends. I have a friends that I can’t live without and as of the moment I also have social media friends and I am happy for having them in my life.
Tonya Morris says
I have made so many friends on social media that will be my friends for life! I of course have my girls for life who I’ve made growing up as well!
Jasmine Hewitt says
its so important to not only value the friends you do have. you have to recognize the ones you dont need
This was such a pleasant read! I agree with all your types of friends, except maybe the work friends. I have never been so lucky to find good friends through work! At the moment I only have those “you can’t live without” and they can be counted on one hand, but it doesn’t matter the number, is the quality that matters to me!
Friends totally change with age and the stages you are in. Some people get you and others don’t. I try to appreciate everyone I’m around, but sometimes it’s easier to connect with someone because of similar interests or personality, like you said. Definitely true for me!
LISA JEAN-FRANCOIS says
You’re so right about the mom friends, and you described me to a T. I have a hard time making mom friends, but they have helped me to be in the know as it pertains to school activities and opportunities for my son.
Lol, friends, you can live without, aren’t really friends. That’s not to say the lessons you learn from them aren’t important.
Jackline A says
This was a great post! So relatable! Since becoming a mother, I’ve been really discovering the joys of mom friends!