I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately and how over the years the types of friends that I have or have made recently has evolved and changed. When you are young it is way easier to make friends through school or sports or common interests. As you get older friendships become more difficult to make and maintain with work schedules and children. This and a recent friendship ending has got me thinking about the types of friends you have as an adult. Here are the 5 types of adult friendships I have discovered over the years.
I’ve said it before; I’m terrible at making mom friends. I will never be the head of the PTA nor will I be the mom that volunteers weekly at my children’s schools. i do participate though as my schedule allows and have made what I like to call “mom acquaintances.” When I see these other moms at school or sporting events we talk about our kids who are in the same grade together and discuss some aspects of our personal lives but never fully get to know each other. These mom acquaintances are invaluable though. They help us navigate our children’s schools, homework and activities. When I made the decision to switch Hayden’s school, take on a sport or volunteer to head a chair for the school’s auction these moms are there to cheer me on. I wish I had more mom friends though, especially right now while Avery is so little. It would nice to have those friends with kids the same age to meet and support one another has we navigate the first year of our children’s lives. If you are lucky enough to make these friends, hold on to them.
Some of the best people that I have met, I have met through work. Working as nurse can really limit friendships: long hours, weekends and holidays not to mention the utter physical and mental exhaustion on days off does not bode well for friendships. So naturally you gravitate towards those that share a similar schedule and similar personality including being completely inappropriate the majority of the time. Conversations with these friends are easy because you can be your dark, twisted self free of judgement. These friends also embrace and encourage my sarcastic side and push past my resting bitch face to see the real me. I have been lucky enough to have some pretty amazing work friends that have become friends that I can’t live without.
Social Media Friends
We live in a day where social media is a huge component of our daily interactions. Facebook, Instagram, blogs, Twitter (which I personally don’t have) all create a different circle of friendships and support. I love following former friends or classmates on these platforms and seeing how their lives have evolved and check out pictures of their beautiful families. It’s a nice way to stay in touch with these old friends that you grew apart from. I have also found a tribe of sorts through Instagram. Moms supporting moms creates a sense of community with essentially strangers. I have met inspirational individuals through this platform and while we are not “real life” friends we support, encourage and celebrate little victories on these social platforms with each other.
The friends you CAN live without
As you get older your tolerance for bullshit and negativity diminishes and you begin to realize there are so many people in your life who surround you with their drama. You begin to realize who you actually want in your life versus who you can do without and over the years I have cut ties with those who I have learned in the end really don’t give a shit about me.
Let me share a story with you about a recent friendship that ended. I won’t go into full details but this friend was someone I have known since before high school and even lived with in college. So over the last few years this friend and I have been slowly drifting away. I will admit I played a roll in the rift that developed between us but while I was continuing to reach out, she was talking about me to my ex-husband who I was in the middle of a nasty divorce with, and then lied to me about it. At a mutual friend’s going away party, despite my best efforts to be nice and reach out, she snubbed her nose at anything I said and did her best to avoid me. She hammered the final nail into our friendship coffin when she deleted me as her friend on Facebook just the other day which spurred this post. My point is that no matter how long this girl was my friend or how much over the years I did for her she didn’t care enough to try and mend fences, instead she resorted to immature means to end the friendship. Now this person is the example of the types of friends that I can live without.
The friends you CAN’T live without
These are the friendships that no matter the distance, time spent apart or disagreements hold up. The friends that will always show up after you have a baby to bring you a home cooked meal or to your kid’s birthday party. They also will be the ones you turn to when you fight with your spouse or just need someone to talk to. They are the friends that stand by you through thick and thin and the friends you never argue with. They are also the friends that will be brutally honest with you even though you may not want to hear it but you appreciate hearing it. These are the friends that you hold onto and value because friends like these don’t come around very often.