I never thought that I would be here, that my child would ever need this. Yet here I sit in the waiting room anticipating meeting with my son’s new counselor for the first time. It’s hard to admit that my child is having problems. That he is having a hard time coping with the transitions between my house and his dad’s house which is reflected in his overall behavior towards me, his peers and himself.
I’m embarrassed and terrified to meet with this counselor. I know I will have to admit to the years of mental and verbal abuse I endured that I let my child witness. That the screaming and the name calling did happen in front of him which may be directly impacting his coping skills and behavior now. I’m embarrassed to admit it took me years to even realize what was happening to me and that even now his father and myself can not get along for the sake of our child.
The stigma of shame of needing counseling for myself or my son is also at the forefront of my mind. I feel shameful that I can’t deal with these problems on my own and that I have to turn to outside sources to help. The thought that I’m failing as his mother is the loudest voice I’m hearing in my head right now.
It’s hard for me to admit to myself and publicly that I’m not a perfect mom. It’s even harder for me to admit that my child is not perfect but that is what he needs right now. He needs me to see the problem, address the problem and help him overcome this difficult time in his life. If I continue to tell myself that he’s perfect and blame others for the challenges we are facing would be doing him a huge disservice now that would undoubtedly carry on later into his life.
One thing I do feel though aside from shame, fear and embarrassment is hope. I’m hopeful for this new experience in his life. That it will help him open up, talk about how he is feeling and help him cope better with the transitions. He is a sweet, smart and funny boy and I want him to stay that way despite the challenges we are all facing at this junction in our lives. I also feel hopeful that maybe seeing him thrive with counseling too will help me seek out counseling for the trauma and the resulting feelings I have towards myself that I carry around with me.
I know I’m not a bad mom, that my child needs this in his life but it’s hard not to feel that way about myself. I will always continue to do what is best for him no matter what. I can only hope that he will understand that all the choices I made were with his best interest in mind.
You are such a brave mama! Thank you for sharing. I know counseling can have a negative stereotype, but it’s only going to benefit your little one! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story! I have recently separated from my husband and I chose to have my son in therapy right away as he was having troubles understanding what was happening. It was such a good choice! You will all make it through! ❤️
Your vulnerability and authenticity are beautiful. Praying that you both get what you need from counseling.
You’re not alone! My son was recently diagnosed with depression, and it’s hard not to feel like I somehow failed him. Keep your chin up…you’re doing what your son needs and that’s all that matters!
Kelsey @ Raising Little Wild Ones says
You are so brave for sharing your story and talking one of the difficult parts of being a mom! You are definitely not alone, I think every mom has felt similar at some point in their lives. But honestly, I don’t think the world judges us nearly as much as we judge ourselves. Most people just want to help in whatever way they can and don’t really care how you got there! You’re doing what’s best for your little one and you should feel GOOD about that!
I hate that our society stigmatizes mental health so much that you are ashamed of this. There is no shame in getting the help you and your son need! Best of luck to the both of you.
Geraline Batarra says
This is truly one of the post that we can admire and give us inspiration. Just ignore the society and do what is right for your child. Wish you all the best.
You are such a good mama giving him what tools to heal…. divorce is so difficult and I remember my brothers acting out and hurting but no one ever thought about taking them to get help…
Shannon Sawicki says
Co parenting with an ex is extremely hard, I have witnessed it first had with my husband and his ex. Both of their kids have been in counseling. I understand your struggles, but know you’re not alone. You are doing your very best, nobody is judging you they are all too busy judging themselves.
Elizabeth O says
What makes you a good parent is that you put your son first. I am sure when he grows he will more understand and appreciate everything you did to help him transition smoothly.
Lisa RIos says
I am so very sorry. 🙁 It ios so sad that you and him have to go through this. Know that you are not alone and I commend you for getting him help. Hang in there mama.
Omar Omran says
“I feel shameful that I can’t deal with these problems on my own and that I have to turn to outside sources to help. ”
You should be proud that you are trying to help your son no matter what! The priority is his well-being at the end of the day, and anything should be done for that. Don’t be ashamed at all, you’re doing the right thing despite the circumstances.
Alison Rost says
I think it’s better that you’re doing this than allowing your shame to take over abd not seek help for him at all. As moms we all know what’s best for our child. You’re doing great!
You sound like a wonderful parent that puts her son’s need first. Good luck with the counseling.
Jojo Hua says
It’s always good to ask for help when you need it. It’s admirable that you are giving your son the space and not letting him feel embarrassed to ask for help when he needs it. That’s vitally healthy for a growing child.