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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

Dear My Childless Friends

July 15, 2018 Comments : 20

What I want my childless friends to know about being a mom. These friends are invaluable people to have in your life.

In the last few years I have acquired numerous friends that don’t have children. These friends are amazing people and despite having kids they still want to be my friend. Some of them want children of their own, some don’t want children at all but no matter what they supported me as I raised a child and grew another. These friends are invaluable to me and sometimes I may not tell them the realities of becoming a mom and all that it entails because I either don’t want to scare them away from being my friend or scare them away from having children of their own.

With that said here are a few things I want my childless friends to know.

1. First and foremost: I appreciate you

I appreciate you being my friend and knowing that that means I may have to bring my children along with me to activities and lunches. It also means knowing that I may not always be available to hang out or may have to cancel because of a school function, a birthday parry or a sick child. My friendship comes with cute small attachments and I appreciate, from the bottom of my heart, that you have not only embraced my children but include me even when you know I may not be able to go.

2. You may be lonely

Despite having friends and family members who are supportive and embrace your children, there will be many times when you feel alone. Countless hours at home with an infant who does nothing except for eat, sleep and crap can be isolating. Same goes for when you are at your child’s 1200th school function of the year and you aren’t the popular PTA parent. Another time is when co-workers discuss plans to go get drinks, dinner or hike and you already know you won’t be invited or can’t go because you have children. This is where mom friends are important but even then mom friends get busy with their own children and sometimes may not have time for play dates.

3. Your body will never be the same

The majority of us are not that woman with the perfect body that slims down immediately after having a baby. For most of us our body changes and those changes become permanent. I’m talking about saggy boobs, stretch marks and bigger hips. Somedays I look in the mirror and think “what the hell happened to my body” and long for days where I could wear skinny jeans and bikinis.

4. You will be tired

I’m not talking about party all night, hangover feeling tired even though having children brings a new all night party per say. I’m talking about the insomnia that accompanies the third trimester in pregnancy immediately followed by the infancy period where you have no idea what day it is. Even when the kids start sleeping in their own bed there will be many nights that produce nightmares, tears and vomit. There is nothing like being woken up out of a dead sleep with the sound of vomit splashing against your hard wood floor and a small human standing over it with tears in their eyes. The difference between now and when I lived in a sorority house in college is that now I’m responsible to clean the mess up and put the child back to bed.

5. You can’t just leave the house on a whim

Going anywhere is an ordeal. You either have to prepare fully the night before or plan to get up an extra hour early in the morning. With a baby it’s even harder. When I have to venture out not only do I have to yell at Hayden 3-4 times to put his shoes on and remind him to grab whatever items it is he needs for the day but I also have to get all the crap I need for a day out with a baby. By the time I’ve checked and double checked everything, got the baby in the car seat, take the baby out because she decided at that it was the perfect time to poop, put the baby back in the car seat, get the kids in the car, run back into the house to grab the diaper bag, run back into the house because I forget the keys, and finally after 20-30 minutes of back and forth we leave.

6. You will never be more proud of what your body can do

You will endure 9 months of pregnancy and all the changes that brings. morning sickness, expanding waist line, extreme exhaustion, insomnia, excessive peeing, and overwhelming hunger. This will be followed by weeks of Braxton-Hicks contractions, hours and sometimes days of labor, a possible c-section, recovery after delivery, and then weeks of bleeding and months of belly pain if you’ve had a c-section. Your body will endure more then you ever think that it could and you will be so damn proud of it.

7. You will never know a greater love

From those first kicks to seeing that little profile on the ultrasound to finally being able to hold your baby in your arms. You will never know a greater love then that you have for your child. Yes, your life will change but it will change for the better. Every time your child smiles at you or achieves a milestone your heart will explode with happiness. It’s a feeling you can’t explain until you’ve experienced it and I’m so excited for you when you do.

8. You will never get this time back

The saying the days are the long but the years are short is the truest statement I have ever heard. In the blink of an eye your baby will be walking, talking, riding a bike, and going off to their first day of school. You will wonder where all the time went and your heart will break at how fast your children are growing up. So when I say no to hanging out or going places it’s because I don’t want to miss these moments with my children. I already miss so much time working and sharing custody of Hayden that when given the opportunity between eating tacos and watching The Secret Life of Pets for the 200th time with my kids or grabbing dinner with friends I will chose the time with my kids more times then not. This doesn’t mean though that I won’t need a night out every once in a while so thank you for including me when that times comes.

 

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Comments

  1. With love from p says

    July 16, 2018 at 9:11 am

    Beautiful post and do extremely true. I always say the same things to my friends who don’t have kids.

    Reply
  2. Rachel says

    July 16, 2018 at 2:02 pm

    Ugh all these things are so true. Especially that your body will never be the same! Haha something I think people know but don’t fully KNOW until you have been there.

    Reply
  3. Rianna Galvez says

    July 16, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    This is such a sweet and meaningful post!! I definitely agree with you on appreciating our friends. I have a couple of great ones too that helped me a lot even before my baby was born! 🙂

    Reply
  4. Jessie says

    July 16, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    All of these are so so so true. The greater love one for sure. I will never forget the feeling I felt when I saw my daughter for the first time. Loved this post. Thank you for sharing!!

    Reply
  5. Athena says

    July 23, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    I love this! So beautiful and so sooooo true!!

    Reply
  6. Michelle says

    July 23, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    What a fantastic read, especially for someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s impossible to understand the fatigue, the brain fog, the worrying etc that comes with being a parent until you actually are a parent. I myself have 4 kids but didn’t come close to understanding the above until I had kids

    Reply
  7. Farmhouse Mama says

    July 23, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    Great post! This is so true. Getting out of the house definitely takes WAY more planning and I think people don’t realize that sometimes.

    Reply
  8. Stefani K Rose says

    July 24, 2018 at 11:38 am

    This is spot on!! Great job! After 4 kids my body and my heart will never be the same. I lost a lot of friends when I first had kids – the baby days were hard for me and very lonely but then I connected to other moms and it was my saving grace. Each season the friendships change, grow and shift. Now while I am in the baby days with my 4th child I am seeing my friends from school having their first and I am like “see it’s hard” – you honestly don’t know what it is like until you go through it!!

    Reply
  9. Jenn Pohlman says

    July 24, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    Being a new mom, I love all these thoughts and the encouragement you give them. They are all so very true – from the incredible, I am a Hero!, feelings to the ones where you don’t really even know who you are anymore! It is all so rewarding and completely inexplicable until experienced firsthand.

    Reply
  10. Janine Ella says

    August 5, 2018 at 2:36 am

    “You will never know a greater love” –> This is SOOOO TRUE! When I gave birth, I was feeling a mix of emotions but it was love that I felt most. Love for your own child is just so different I could not explain.

    Reply
  11. Namra says

    August 5, 2018 at 7:20 am

    Aww, why wouldn’t they want you as a friend, your probably awesome. I gotten new friends to, and I don’t mind if they have kids. Your list was very cute, and I like it that your so honest about it and include the “up-sides and the down-sides” in a way. But in the end, it’s worth it of course. All parents I know seem very happy, like tired, but happy.

    Reply
  12. shemadewut says

    August 5, 2018 at 11:39 am

    Super cute! looking forward to more!

    Reply
  13. Erica says

    August 5, 2018 at 7:02 pm

    I don’t have that many friends that don’t have children because I’m a stay-at-home mom so the only people I meet are people with kids. However, my sister has no children and it can be tough sometimes. Getting together is tough, especially since all three of my boys are under 10.

    Reply
  14. Jo says

    August 6, 2018 at 4:26 am

    Awesome post. As a childless woman (for now) this is something I can see from both sides, because most of my friends do have children.

    Reply
  15. Daisy says

    August 6, 2018 at 9:49 am

    Such a lovely post and so true…. you will never know a greater love… I adore being a Mama so very much!

    Reply
  16. Doreen says

    August 6, 2018 at 2:44 pm

    I do not have kids yet. But truth be told, reading posts about pregnancy and labour pains and how tough it is, in the beginning, makes me grateful at this point in my life that I am not there yet. Having said that, my mom had 4 kids and I must say she did an amazing job, raising all of us.

    Reply
  17. Nandita says

    August 6, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    I can relate to each and every point you mentioned being a mom of a 10-year and a 10-month-old. The struggle, boredom and extreme exhaustion is there as are the proud, heart melting and love-beyond-words moments. Wonderful perspective on motherhood

    Reply
  18. Nancie says

    August 6, 2018 at 6:53 pm

    I guess when you decide to have children you sign on for all of this. Enjoy your kids. 🙂

    Reply
  19. kumamonjeng says

    August 6, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Being mom is a job that you cannot quit, so it is a life long thing. Nurturing a child is challenging but can be fun at the same time.

    Reply
  20. Elizabeth O says

    August 7, 2018 at 8:08 am

    You made so many great points. I am sure your childless friends will really appreciate your honesty here. Great post.

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, girlfriend and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on all things mom as well as life!

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Taking a much needed break while the toddler naps Taking a much needed break while the toddler naps to just breathe. Chasing her around all day can be absolutely exhausting which means by the time I get to sit for a minute I am starving! 

@dunkin has me covered with a little afternoon pick me up with their delicious coffee and a new Snackin’ Menu. You can choose from stuffed croissants, stuffed bagel minis, a gluten-free brownie and Snackin’ Bacon available for a limited time at select locations! 
Pair these with your favorite coffee, my current fav is the Explorer Blend, for the perfect combination. So whether you are on the go or taking a mini afternoon break, make sure to grab something from the @dunkin Snackin’ Menu! 

Any guesses on how long my toddler break will last? I’ll give you a hint; not long! #toddlermomlife 
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Birthdays used to be a big deal to me, now not so much. Getting older was scary but as the years have gone on, I look at another year older means another year of growth. 

Growing as a person, a mom, a friend, a wife, and growing in my own personal goals. My life is pretty damn good and I am loving every second of growing older with the amazing people around me. So cheers to another year around the sun! 

Also, getting a photo with balloons is about as hard as getting a photo with your children just in case anyone was wondering! ❤️
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The extra strength and softness as well as the beautiful prints and patterns help this mama keep the sniffles at pay. Especially with this little one of mine who is constantly trying to wipe her nose on just about everything.
 
Looking to prepare you and your family for the cold and flu season? Check out my latest blog post (link in bio) on tips to do just that!

Double tap if your toddler does the same thing! I can’t have the only one 😆
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Sharing this space of my home because soon this dining room table will be replaced by what I think is the perfect new addition. But I want to remember the imperfections and memories this old one holds. Anyone else feel a sense of nostalgia about their home furniture or is it just me?

And to note the vase and fake stems are from @walmart and cost less then $10 for it all! 
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Looking to visit one near you? Here are my tips to make your visit fun and exciting.

1. Dress for the weather. Snow pants, hats, boots and warm clothing are a must. We spent over an hour there and the children only complained once they were cold.

2. Mask up. Masks are required. We took ours off briefly for the photo, making sure there was plenty of distance between us and others.

3. Book ahead. You can book your reservation online and it is highly suggested. Times sell out quickly during vacation weeks and on weekends. The day we went was sold out. 

4. Bringing a really small child? Make sure to bring a sled to pull them on or put them in a carrier. Strollers will not move through the snow and ice. 

5. Visit at night if you can. We didn’t this year but in years past we have gone at night  when the Ice Castles are lit up with lights making it that more magical. 

Lastly, have fun and stop by the little fire pits set up throughout to warm up.

Have you been to the @icecastles_ this year? What did you think?!
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Choosing the right things to spend my energy on in my day to day life has made all the difference in my own personal happiness. 

So how are you choosing to spend your energy in your own life? 
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And they remind me often to celebrate our love for each other every day! ❤️

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I love all the benefits that raw juice provides bu I love all the benefits that raw juice provides but not the mess of making it myself! (ad) @raw_generation_juices  is helping me hit the reset button this year with their raw juice cleanses. You don’t have to be doing a juice cleanse to benefit from cold pressed juices. These juices can help you jumpstart a healthier diet, increase your fruit and veggies intake, and improve your digestion. ⁣
⁣
My favorites; sweet roots and vanilla cashew! ⁣
Delivered right to your door with no mess , use the code DANIELLE15 to get 15% off and grab the link in my bio to shop. ⁣
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Taking a much needed break while the toddler naps Taking a much needed break while the toddler naps to just breathe. Chasing her around all day can be absolutely exhausting which means by the time I get to sit for a minute I am starving! 

@dunkin has me covered with a little afternoon pick me up with their delicious coffee and a new Snackin’ Menu. You can choose from stuffed croissants, stuffed bagel minis, a gluten-free brownie and Snackin’ Bacon available for a limited time at select locations! 
Pair these with your favorite coffee, my current fav is the Explorer Blend, for the perfect combination. So whether you are on the go or taking a mini afternoon break, make sure to grab something from the @dunkin Snackin’ Menu! 

Any guesses on how long my toddler break will last? I’ll give you a hint; not long! #toddlermomlife 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#dunkinmaine 
#dunkinpartner 
#dunkin
Happy thirty-something birthday to me!! Birthdays Happy thirty-something birthday to me!!

Birthdays used to be a big deal to me, now not so much. Getting older was scary but as the years have gone on, I look at another year older means another year of growth. 

Growing as a person, a mom, a friend, a wife, and growing in my own personal goals. My life is pretty damn good and I am loving every second of growing older with the amazing people around me. So cheers to another year around the sun! 

Also, getting a photo with balloons is about as hard as getting a photo with your children just in case anyone was wondering! ❤️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#birthdaycelebrations 
#thirtysomething 
#thirtyflirtyandthriving 
#itsamomthing
Anyone else hate when their toddler uses their clo Anyone else hate when their toddler uses their clothing to blow their nose?! Fully prepared for cold and flu season over here with the help of @scottiestissues. (ad)

The extra strength and softness as well as the beautiful prints and patterns help this mama keep the sniffles at pay. Especially with this little one of mine who is constantly trying to wipe her nose on just about everything.
 
Looking to prepare you and your family for the cold and flu season? Check out my latest blog post (link in bio) on tips to do just that!

Double tap if your toddler does the same thing! I can’t have the only one 😆
 .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#TripleSoftProtectionSquad
#healthykids
#motherhoodmoments 
#raisingtinyhumans 
#toddlerhood
Sunday’s are for being lazy, well as lazy as you Sunday’s are for being lazy, well as lazy as you can be when your solo parenting two kids all day and night. 

Sharing this space of my home because soon this dining room table will be replaced by what I think is the perfect new addition. But I want to remember the imperfections and memories this old one holds. Anyone else feel a sense of nostalgia about their home furniture or is it just me?

And to note the vase and fake stems are from @walmart and cost less then $10 for it all! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#homedecorinspo 
#diningroomideas 
#simplehomestyle 
#cornerofmyhouse 
#walmartfinds
#squaresofmeandmine
Our @icecastles_ adventure was a success! The kids Our @icecastles_ adventure was a success! The kids loved all the fun ice slides, hidden pathways and thousands upon thousands of icicles frozen together to create this winter escape.
Looking to visit one near you? Here are my tips to make your visit fun and exciting.

1. Dress for the weather. Snow pants, hats, boots and warm clothing are a must. We spent over an hour there and the children only complained once they were cold.

2. Mask up. Masks are required. We took ours off briefly for the photo, making sure there was plenty of distance between us and others.

3. Book ahead. You can book your reservation online and it is highly suggested. Times sell out quickly during vacation weeks and on weekends. The day we went was sold out. 

4. Bringing a really small child? Make sure to bring a sled to pull them on or put them in a carrier. Strollers will not move through the snow and ice. 

5. Visit at night if you can. We didn’t this year but in years past we have gone at night  when the Ice Castles are lit up with lights making it that more magical. 

Lastly, have fun and stop by the little fire pits set up throughout to warm up.

Have you been to the @icecastles_ this year? What did you think?!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#newenglandliving 
#icecastles 
#lifewithatoddler 
#adventureswithkids 
#newengland_igers
#mylittlestolove
Living this mantra more and more. Picking and choo Living this mantra more and more. Picking and choosing what to spend my energy on in order to stay sane these days. 
Focusing on the good versus the bad and the things that I can control. Applying this daily to my relationships, parenting and work life. 
Choosing the right things to spend my energy on in my day to day life has made all the difference in my own personal happiness. 

So how are you choosing to spend your energy in your own life? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

#motivationalwords 
#motherhoodgoals 
#dailyliving 
#quotestoinspire 
#inspirationalpost
Happy love day from my cutest little Valentine’s Happy love day from my cutest little Valentine’s. 
I love how much they love each other and want to spend time together despite their age gap (almost 7 years). 
And they remind me often to celebrate our love for each other every day! ❤️

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? What are your plans? Swipe to see some extra cuteness from my littles! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

#lifewithkids 
#raisinglittles 
#raisethemkind 
#motherhoodmoments 
#mynameismama
I love all the benefits that raw juice provides bu I love all the benefits that raw juice provides but not the mess of making it myself! (ad) @raw_generation_juices  is helping me hit the reset button this year with their raw juice cleanses. You don’t have to be doing a juice cleanse to benefit from cold pressed juices. These juices can help you jumpstart a healthier diet, increase your fruit and veggies intake, and improve your digestion. ⁣
⁣
My favorites; sweet roots and vanilla cashew! ⁣
Delivered right to your door with no mess , use the code DANIELLE15 to get 15% off and grab the link in my bio to shop. ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#rawgenerationjuices 
#healthymommy ⁣
#busymoms ⁣
#momlifestyle
Follow Me on Instagram
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