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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

Dear New Mom; It’s not Going to be Easy

March 13, 2018 Comments : 7

I am slowly coming to the end of this pregnancy journey and it has me reminiscing about what it was like when I had my first born being a new mom. The experience wasn’t easy and I feel like as a society we are setting new moms up for failure by only portraying the good or beautiful side of motherhood. The truth is, is that motherhood is messy and unpredictable and you just might have that difficult baby that makes your question not only your sanity but also how you view yourself as a mom. This blog post is raw and honest about my delivery and post-partum experience with my now 6 year old who despite his beginnings has grown into a smart, funny, loving little boy who I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all again with.

I don’t remember much from being pregnant with Hayden except for his little kicks and bumps he blessed me with and the overall feeling of being uncomfortable especially since he was born at the end of August. By the time the last few weeks of pregnancy rolled around I was begging for an induction. I was hot, fat and miserable. I would have done anything to get him out of me so I went in for an induction at 39 weeks (which looking back on that decision was probably not the best idea since my body was not ready for it). I went in on August 29th, 2011 in the early morning hours with my mom and Hayden’s father. The induction process ended up being delayed till afternoon due to the labor and delivery floor being extremely busy so we sat in the room and waited.

Waiting sucks. There is an entire theory and science around waiting and how people tend to react and respond to waiting for something, anything to happen. I will be the first to admit I hate waiting for things. I enjoy instant gratification and at that moment I was so ready to meet my little guy who had already spent 39 weeks growing inside of me so by the time they started the induction process it had felt like I had been waiting an eternity (in reality it had only been 5 hours). I remember them starting pitocin gradually and initially thinking that this isn’t so bad, I can do this. Why do women always state that labor is the equivalent to getting ripped in half by two horses running in opposite directions? These thoughts were fleeting as soon as they began to increase the pitocin dose in order to force my uterus into contracting. I would not wish this medication on anyone, even 6 years later I can still remember how terrible the pain was in having a medication force my body into doing something that it just wasn’t ready to do.

At some point I got an epidural, probably after I decided I was in agony from the contractions and can remember trying to stay absolutely still during intense waves of contractions while some old anesthesia doctor jammed a giant needle into my back. At this point I was so exhausted I just wanted to lay down. Eventually, 14 hours into my labor Hayden’s heart rate dropped to below 40 beats per minute and despite their best efforts to re position me (which is pretty difficult when your lower extremities are numb), his heart rate continued to yo-yo up and down. It was officially c-section time. Hayden was born around 3 am on August 30th, 2011 by c-section with my mom accompanying into the operating room weighing in at a gigantic 10 pounds.

snapseed-10
Finally meeting Hayden he was so bloated!
snapseed-11
Peaceful moments in the hospital

I did experience a post-partum hemorrhage after delivery most likely due to being induced and having a larger sized baby. This complication led to a delay in breast milk production causing both myself and Hayden to have to stay in the hospital for about a week. Me due to my low blood levels and Hayden because he dropped more then 10% of his body weight. Finally, we were able to go home.

I don’t really think that I was prepared fully on what to expect when it came to being a new mom. Thankfully, my mother was around to help when I needed it but I still felt incredibly isolated and alone. Hayden was not an easy baby. He cried a lot, mostly at night, and I struggled significantly with breast feeding. All of this and a rocky relationship to begin with led to post-partum depression. I was constantly at war with my boyfriend, sleep deprived, felt unattractive and overweight and felt like a failure for not being able to do the most basic and natural thing to feed my baby. Something had to give and after meeting with a lactation consultant I decided that it would be best for me to exclusively pump and bottle feed Hayden. I am so happy that I made that decision since I was finally able to give him enough of what he needed without the tears and struggle. It was hard work and for the first couple of weeks I have to pump every 2 hours even through the night to build up my supply but it paid off in the end when I was able to overproduce what Hayden actually consumed.

Don’t get me wrong, even through the sleep deprivation and depression my son became my entire world after he was born. I would have done anything for him. The moments where he would smile or giggle overcame the moments when he was unhappy and crying. Despite this, I still couldn’t help but feel like I was the worst mom ever. Those first 6 months after he was born were some of the hardest days of my life and I thought that the reason he wouldn’t sleep was because of me, that there was something that I was doing wrong and I was detrimentally effecting this tiny human who depended on me. It didn’t help that the person that was suppose to be my partner was distant and not supportive about anything. Sometimes still when Hayden has a bad day or acts out I feel that it was because I wasn’t a good enough mom in the beginning (which is crazy and untrue, I know).

img_4149
The smiles were the best!

Eventually things evened out and my son and I found our groove but the struggle leading up to that was unexpected and difficult to talk about even with my closest friends and family. I felt like a failure and that others would judge me for my poor parenting skills. No one talks about how hard it is to have a new born. People generally only talk about how good their baby is and how their baby sleeps all night and never about the other struggles that arise. I wish I had known about the dark side of being a new mom, maybe then I would have been more prepared and less hard on myself when things didn’t go exactly the way I imagined they would.

I want all new moms to know that it will be difficult at times and that is OK. Not everyone will shed every single ounce of pregnancy weight immediately after delivery, your baby will most likely not sleep all night, and you will struggle with multiple things such as breast feeding, sleep schedules and even your own self esteem. This doesn’t make you a bad mom, in fact your doing an amazing job and things will get easier.

snapseed-12

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Preparing with Nuby
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Hospital Bag Must Haves

Comments

  1. Sally says

    June 6, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    This baby so cute. Thanks for sharing

    Reply
  2. Sara says

    June 6, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    A Beautiful Post! Sometimes I wonder how fast times fly and you made me have a quick recap of my baby’s arrival too. Yeah, motherhood is messy, but the most sweetest phase 🙂

    Reply
  3. Samantha says

    June 6, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    You are an incredible mom. Your story is beautiful & inspiring. The beginning with a newborn is hard, but you did a great job. Hayden is lucky to have you as a mom.

    Reply
  4. Dee says

    June 6, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    This is such a great reminder for any mom! I wasn’t prepared for the downs of motherhood, since like you said no one really talks about it. Becoming a mom for the first time really opened my eyes to that!

    Reply
  5. Paula says

    June 6, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    Wow! Thanks so much for sharing!
    I too had my son in the summer in Florida and the heat was unbearable! We also ended up having an emergency c-section after a full day of labor but things went pretty well afterwards. You’re right, I think people tend to forget the hard times and focus on the positive, which is great, but it leaves new parents clueless to the hardships.

    Reply
  6. angie collinson says

    June 7, 2018 at 2:27 am

    my birth story and those first few weeks are both so clear and yet a blur all at the same time! Sharing stories and knowing you’re not alone through it all is a life saver…

    Reply
  7. Lexi says

    June 7, 2018 at 3:19 am

    What a scary experience! I had to have a c section too but it was planned, I couldn’t imagine it being a sudden change like that. It’s so important to remember everyone has rough days! I think a lot of people think everyone has it all together even though they have tough times too!

    Reply

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🍿 It’s National Popcorn Day! ❤️⁣ ⁣ An 🍿 It’s National Popcorn Day! ❤️⁣
⁣
Anyone else have children that fight over the bowl of popcorn?! ⁣
We are celebrating National Popcorn Day (who knew that was actually a thing?!) with you guessed it; homemade popcorn!⁣
It is one of our go to snacks and a must every time we go to the movies! ⁣
⁣
Anyone else have kids that are obsessed with popcorn?! ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
Follow along with the hashtag #MamasWhoHoliday to see all the things me and some of my favorite mamas come up with to celebrate all these fun and different holidays! 😄 ⁣
⁣
If you’d like to join in on the fun, post your own photo and use our hashtag so we can check it out! ❤️⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#momswhoblog ⁣
#lifewithlittles ⁣
#motherhoodlens ⁣
#motherhoodlife
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The extra caffeine (20% to be exact) is derived from green coffee extract giving that extra boost of energy! It is available in hot or iced and through January 16, a medium is only $2. So, head to @Dunkin to try it out today.!⁣
How are you getting your energy boost to keep up with your busy lifestyle?⁣
 ⁣
 ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#DunkinMaine⁣
#DunkinPartner
#momlifestyle 
#motherhoodunfiltered 
#coffeemom
Raise your hand if you love salsa! 🙋🏻‍♀️⁣
Our family uses salsa on just about everything from tacos to omelets. Our go to salsa? @freshcravingssalsa ⁣
⁣
Made from small batch recipes with vine ripened tomatoes and hand cut vegetables, @freshcravingssalsa is a smooth blend of authentic, bold flavors. So good even my kids love it! ⁣
You can find Fresh Cravings In the dips and dressing section of the produce aisle at your local Walmart or grocery store. ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#freshcravings ⁣
#salsabrate2021 ⁣
#freshcravingssalsa ⁣
#healthyjourney ⁣
#easysnackideas
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The great thing is; these two have no idea that most days I’m just winging it. Now more then ever, it’s important we admit to ourselves this motherhood thing is hard and as long as we keep the small humans happy and fed we are totally winning at this #momlife ⁣
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⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
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⁣
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⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#thisismotherhood ⁣
#thisisparenthood ⁣
#momlifeunfiltered ⁣
#motherhoodintheraw ⁣
#mombloggers
Grateful Warrior; a print from the lovely and tale Grateful Warrior; a print from the lovely and talented @lindsey.erin. A wonderful artist (for real check out her stuff) and person who inspires me daily with her creativity and positivity. ⁣
⁣
This print means so many different things to me in this season of my life. ⁣
It’s a reminder that I am a strong woman who doesn’t give up easily. Someone who aspires to do more, be more. As a partner, mother, friend. ⁣
⁣
It’s also a reminder to be grateful for the opportunities I have and the power of my light I send out into this world. I glance at it everyday, hanging in my office reminding me to be the grateful warrior that I am.⁣
What is inspiring you during this time in your life? ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#fineartprints ⁣
#maineartist ⁣
#motivatedmindset ⁣
#motherhoodunfiltered
Getting organized is on my to do list this year be Getting organized is on my to do list this year because if I’m being honest my life is a mess most days. ⁣
⁣
@zulily has everything I need to do just that. From now until Friday, they have amazing deals on items to help you get more organized in every aspect of your home. Check out my stories for all my favorite organization items and where you can grab them! ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#zulilyfinds ⁣
#organizedhome ⁣
#realmomlife ⁣
#organizedhome
It’s a New Year and all I’ve managed to do tod It’s a New Year and all I’ve managed to do today is take this photo and drink some wine so I would say I’m already winning at 2021.⁣
⁣
Here’s to a better year then last. Cheers! ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#newyearsgoals⁣
#bye2020⁣
#mamaneedswine⁣
#momlifeunfiltered⁣
#mombloggerlife
We are officially closing out this year!!⁣ 2020 We are officially closing out this year!!⁣
2020 was a year full of many challenges but it held some amazing moments and opportunities as well. ⁣
⁣
We took a fun, much needed vacation at the beginning of the year with @carnival cruise line, got married @samosetresort on a whim, personally I grew my blog and met some pretty large goals I had set for myself this year and the kids stayed happy and healthy. So even with the bad, there was a lot of good.⁣
⁣
I’m hopeful that this New Year will bring even more opportunities and chances to grow and be a little less hard on others. ⁣
What are you hopeful for this New Year?⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#newyeariscoming ⁣
#bye2020 ⁣
#lifestyleblogger ⁣
#momlifestyle ⁣
#motherhoodlens ⁣
⁣
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