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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

Dear New Mom; It’s not Going to be Easy

March 13, 2018 Comments : 7

I am slowly coming to the end of this pregnancy journey and it has me reminiscing about what it was like when I had my first born being a new mom. The experience wasn’t easy and I feel like as a society we are setting new moms up for failure by only portraying the good or beautiful side of motherhood. The truth is, is that motherhood is messy and unpredictable and you just might have that difficult baby that makes your question not only your sanity but also how you view yourself as a mom. This blog post is raw and honest about my delivery and post-partum experience with my now 6 year old who despite his beginnings has grown into a smart, funny, loving little boy who I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all again with.

I don’t remember much from being pregnant with Hayden except for his little kicks and bumps he blessed me with and the overall feeling of being uncomfortable especially since he was born at the end of August. By the time the last few weeks of pregnancy rolled around I was begging for an induction. I was hot, fat and miserable. I would have done anything to get him out of me so I went in for an induction at 39 weeks (which looking back on that decision was probably not the best idea since my body was not ready for it). I went in on August 29th, 2011 in the early morning hours with my mom and Hayden’s father. The induction process ended up being delayed till afternoon due to the labor and delivery floor being extremely busy so we sat in the room and waited.

Waiting sucks. There is an entire theory and science around waiting and how people tend to react and respond to waiting for something, anything to happen. I will be the first to admit I hate waiting for things. I enjoy instant gratification and at that moment I was so ready to meet my little guy who had already spent 39 weeks growing inside of me so by the time they started the induction process it had felt like I had been waiting an eternity (in reality it had only been 5 hours). I remember them starting pitocin gradually and initially thinking that this isn’t so bad, I can do this. Why do women always state that labor is the equivalent to getting ripped in half by two horses running in opposite directions? These thoughts were fleeting as soon as they began to increase the pitocin dose in order to force my uterus into contracting. I would not wish this medication on anyone, even 6 years later I can still remember how terrible the pain was in having a medication force my body into doing something that it just wasn’t ready to do.

At some point I got an epidural, probably after I decided I was in agony from the contractions and can remember trying to stay absolutely still during intense waves of contractions while some old anesthesia doctor jammed a giant needle into my back. At this point I was so exhausted I just wanted to lay down. Eventually, 14 hours into my labor Hayden’s heart rate dropped to below 40 beats per minute and despite their best efforts to re position me (which is pretty difficult when your lower extremities are numb), his heart rate continued to yo-yo up and down. It was officially c-section time. Hayden was born around 3 am on August 30th, 2011 by c-section with my mom accompanying into the operating room weighing in at a gigantic 10 pounds.

snapseed-10
Finally meeting Hayden he was so bloated!
snapseed-11
Peaceful moments in the hospital

I did experience a post-partum hemorrhage after delivery most likely due to being induced and having a larger sized baby. This complication led to a delay in breast milk production causing both myself and Hayden to have to stay in the hospital for about a week. Me due to my low blood levels and Hayden because he dropped more then 10% of his body weight. Finally, we were able to go home.

I don’t really think that I was prepared fully on what to expect when it came to being a new mom. Thankfully, my mother was around to help when I needed it but I still felt incredibly isolated and alone. Hayden was not an easy baby. He cried a lot, mostly at night, and I struggled significantly with breast feeding. All of this and a rocky relationship to begin with led to post-partum depression. I was constantly at war with my boyfriend, sleep deprived, felt unattractive and overweight and felt like a failure for not being able to do the most basic and natural thing to feed my baby. Something had to give and after meeting with a lactation consultant I decided that it would be best for me to exclusively pump and bottle feed Hayden. I am so happy that I made that decision since I was finally able to give him enough of what he needed without the tears and struggle. It was hard work and for the first couple of weeks I have to pump every 2 hours even through the night to build up my supply but it paid off in the end when I was able to overproduce what Hayden actually consumed.

Don’t get me wrong, even through the sleep deprivation and depression my son became my entire world after he was born. I would have done anything for him. The moments where he would smile or giggle overcame the moments when he was unhappy and crying. Despite this, I still couldn’t help but feel like I was the worst mom ever. Those first 6 months after he was born were some of the hardest days of my life and I thought that the reason he wouldn’t sleep was because of me, that there was something that I was doing wrong and I was detrimentally effecting this tiny human who depended on me. It didn’t help that the person that was suppose to be my partner was distant and not supportive about anything. Sometimes still when Hayden has a bad day or acts out I feel that it was because I wasn’t a good enough mom in the beginning (which is crazy and untrue, I know).

img_4149
The smiles were the best!

Eventually things evened out and my son and I found our groove but the struggle leading up to that was unexpected and difficult to talk about even with my closest friends and family. I felt like a failure and that others would judge me for my poor parenting skills. No one talks about how hard it is to have a new born. People generally only talk about how good their baby is and how their baby sleeps all night and never about the other struggles that arise. I wish I had known about the dark side of being a new mom, maybe then I would have been more prepared and less hard on myself when things didn’t go exactly the way I imagined they would.

I want all new moms to know that it will be difficult at times and that is OK. Not everyone will shed every single ounce of pregnancy weight immediately after delivery, your baby will most likely not sleep all night, and you will struggle with multiple things such as breast feeding, sleep schedules and even your own self esteem. This doesn’t make you a bad mom, in fact your doing an amazing job and things will get easier.

snapseed-12

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Preparing with Nuby
Next:
Hospital Bag Must Haves

Comments

  1. Sally says

    June 6, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    This baby so cute. Thanks for sharing

    Reply
  2. Sara says

    June 6, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    A Beautiful Post! Sometimes I wonder how fast times fly and you made me have a quick recap of my baby’s arrival too. Yeah, motherhood is messy, but the most sweetest phase 🙂

    Reply
  3. Samantha says

    June 6, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    You are an incredible mom. Your story is beautiful & inspiring. The beginning with a newborn is hard, but you did a great job. Hayden is lucky to have you as a mom.

    Reply
  4. Dee says

    June 6, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    This is such a great reminder for any mom! I wasn’t prepared for the downs of motherhood, since like you said no one really talks about it. Becoming a mom for the first time really opened my eyes to that!

    Reply
  5. Paula says

    June 6, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    Wow! Thanks so much for sharing!
    I too had my son in the summer in Florida and the heat was unbearable! We also ended up having an emergency c-section after a full day of labor but things went pretty well afterwards. You’re right, I think people tend to forget the hard times and focus on the positive, which is great, but it leaves new parents clueless to the hardships.

    Reply
  6. angie collinson says

    June 7, 2018 at 2:27 am

    my birth story and those first few weeks are both so clear and yet a blur all at the same time! Sharing stories and knowing you’re not alone through it all is a life saver…

    Reply
  7. Lexi says

    June 7, 2018 at 3:19 am

    What a scary experience! I had to have a c section too but it was planned, I couldn’t imagine it being a sudden change like that. It’s so important to remember everyone has rough days! I think a lot of people think everyone has it all together even though they have tough times too!

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, wife and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on being a mom, traveling with kids and lifestyle content.

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This pregnancy has been so hard on my body and mind and I have never felt more alone. Maybe because I’m just trying to out a smile on and be happy but most days I’m struggling. Pregnancy after loss is a constant state of anxiety. Filled with feelings of being scared to become too connected with this baby out of fear of something going wrong. 
But I’m trying and with every passing week my heart relaxes just a little bit more. So here’s to the final stretch, the third trimester and to all the other mamas out there struggling with similar feelings I’m sending you so much love. ❤️
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With Father’s Day just around the corner, the perfect gift idea is from @picturesongold. With high quality photo laser engraving and fully customizable, it makes the perfect sentimental gift for the dad in your life. Learn more over @picturesongold! 

I would love to know your Father’s Days plan this year and how you are celebrating! 
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My go to: the New Mango Pineapple Refresher from @dunkin. 
With the summer time flavors of Mango and Pineapple fruit flavors you can combine them with Green Tea, Coconutmilk, or Lemonade to keep you cool and refreshed all summer long. 
Want an even sweeter deal? Sign up to be a Dunkin’ Perks member and earn rewards for your purchases as well as one free medium Dunkin’ Refresher as a new Perks Member. 
Refreshers available through August 16th or while supplies last! 

What’s your summer plans look like? Any fun plans happening this year? 
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Screen time but make it educational and fun! (#ad) Screen time but make it educational and fun! (#ad)
@readingeggs is our go to program to help our four year old learn to read. It was developed by highly experienced team of elementary school teachers, writers and developers to help children become fluent and proficient readers. Using a wide range of activities that feel like games, it will keep your busy child interested. 
Reading Eggs can also encourage parents to help children continue to learn over summer break! You can get @readingeggs with a free trial for 30 days and if you get a paid subscription, an accelerated 10-week Reading Eggs and Math Seeds online summer school is included. This is the perfect program for kindergarten to 3rd grade. To learn more, make sure to check out my stories and get your free trial today! 
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So where do we go from here?
How do we teach our children about kindness, forgiveness and trust when society these days is throwing the exact opposite in their faces? How do we raise children and make them feel safe in a world that feels so heavy? In the last 24 hours I’ve thought to myself, this could be my children and the pain that goes along with just that thought is not even comparable to the pain the families who sent their children off to school to never come home are feeling right now. The sad truth though is that the next time it could be my children, your children, our community, our schools that are effected by a tragedy like this. 
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Not only are they soft and feel luxurious, the price tag is  completely affordable for any budget. So if your looking to make your bed more welcoming and comfortable (since we spend about 1/3 of our lives in bed anyways!) make sure to check out @brooklinen and use the code daniellenicole to get $20 off $100 or more! 
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I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and disconn I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and disconnected lately. From my kids and from my husband. It’s made me feel like a terrible mom and partner. 
This pregnancy has been so hard on my body and mind and I have never felt more alone. Maybe because I’m just trying to out a smile on and be happy but most days I’m struggling. Pregnancy after loss is a constant state of anxiety. Filled with feelings of being scared to become too connected with this baby out of fear of something going wrong. 
But I’m trying and with every passing week my heart relaxes just a little bit more. So here’s to the final stretch, the third trimester and to all the other mamas out there struggling with similar feelings I’m sending you so much love. ❤️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#pregnancyjourney #pregnantmama #thirdtrimester #pregnancyafterloss #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #honestmom #motherhoodunfiltered #motherhoodunplugged #mainemom
I don’t know about you but I always have the har I don’t know about you but I always have the hardest time shopping for the men in my life! 
With Father’s Day just around the corner, the perfect gift idea is from @picturesongold. With high quality photo laser engraving and fully customizable, it makes the perfect sentimental gift for the dad in your life. Learn more over @picturesongold! 

I would love to know your Father’s Days plan this year and how you are celebrating! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#fathersdaygifts #fathersday2022 #giftideasforhim #mombloggers #motherhoodthroughig #celebratedad #parentinglife
Looking for an afternoon pick me up after chasing Looking for an afternoon pick me up after chasing the kids around all day during summer break? (#ad) 
My go to: the New Mango Pineapple Refresher from @dunkin. 
With the summer time flavors of Mango and Pineapple fruit flavors you can combine them with Green Tea, Coconutmilk, or Lemonade to keep you cool and refreshed all summer long. 
Want an even sweeter deal? Sign up to be a Dunkin’ Perks member and earn rewards for your purchases as well as one free medium Dunkin’ Refresher as a new Perks Member. 
Refreshers available through August 16th or while supplies last! 

What’s your summer plans look like? Any fun plans happening this year? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#dunkinmaine #dunkinpartner #maineliving #mainetheway #lifeofamom #summervibes☀️ #momhood #momlifestyle #newenglandblogger #mainemom #summerinmaine
Screen time but make it educational and fun! (#ad) Screen time but make it educational and fun! (#ad)
@readingeggs is our go to program to help our four year old learn to read. It was developed by highly experienced team of elementary school teachers, writers and developers to help children become fluent and proficient readers. Using a wide range of activities that feel like games, it will keep your busy child interested. 
Reading Eggs can also encourage parents to help children continue to learn over summer break! You can get @readingeggs with a free trial for 30 days and if you get a paid subscription, an accelerated 10-week Reading Eggs and Math Seeds online summer school is included. This is the perfect program for kindergarten to 3rd grade. To learn more, make sure to check out my stories and get your free trial today! 
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
#readingeggs #learntoread #eggsplorer #toddlermomlife #schoolfromhome #parentingblogger #kidslearning #earlyeducation #kidsactivities #momlifestyle #momblogs #motherhoodalive
I hate this world that my children are growing up I hate this world that my children are growing up in. My heart sinks a little every time I send them off to school or daycare, terrified that something out of my control will happen to them. I can control what they eat, what they watch, who they play with to an extent but I can’t control the unknown. And right now raising children feels a little like walking into the unknown. 

So where do we go from here?
How do we teach our children about kindness, forgiveness and trust when society these days is throwing the exact opposite in their faces? How do we raise children and make them feel safe in a world that feels so heavy? In the last 24 hours I’ve thought to myself, this could be my children and the pain that goes along with just that thought is not even comparable to the pain the families who sent their children off to school to never come home are feeling right now. The sad truth though is that the next time it could be my children, your children, our community, our schools that are effected by a tragedy like this. 
As a parent this is the most terrifying thought of all. 

 Holding my children a little tighter today and every day because this world is an unpredictable place and holding onto hope that change is coming. ❤️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#motherhoodunplugged #honestmom #momlifeunfiltered #raisingkids #raisinglittles #workingmom #workingmomlife #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodunited
My favorite place in my home? My bed and @brooklin My favorite place in my home? My bed and @brooklinen has made it even more comfortable with their bedding bundles. 
Not only are they soft and feel luxurious, the price tag is  completely affordable for any budget. So if your looking to make your bed more welcoming and comfortable (since we spend about 1/3 of our lives in bed anyways!) make sure to check out @brooklinen and use the code daniellenicole to get $20 off $100 or more! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#gifted #mybrooklinenstyle #cornerofmyhome #bedroominspo #bedroomstyle #mycozyhome #bedroomideas
Anyone else not a big fan of maternity clothing? Anyone else not a big fan of maternity clothing? 
I have absolutely zero desire to buy maternity clothes so seeing how long I can make what’s in my closet work for me. 
Thankful I get to live in dresses, shorts and bathing suits this summer but dreading being in my third trimester during the hottest months here in the Northeast. 
If your pregnant this summer let’s be friends! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#momstyle #pregnancystyle #pregnantmama #23weekspregnant #joyfulmamas #mamaswithstyle #pregnantstyle #pregnantlife #targetstyle #targetmom #targetfinds #affordablestyle #ltkunder50 #secondtrimester
Anyone else struggle getting enough sleep? I know Anyone else struggle getting enough sleep? I know I do, especially lately.
(ad) @marlowpillow is helping me get better sleep with their cooling, memory foam pillows that are adjustable to the firmness that you like. Making my bed a cozier place to be allows me to get the rest my body is desperate for. Make sure to check out my stories to learn more! 
And the more you buy, the more you save so keep that in mind when your looking to update your space! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#mycozyhome #homedecorinspo #bedroominspo #cozybedroom #pregnancylife #bettersleep #bedtimereading #momlifeunfiltered #pregnantmama #motherhoodsimplified #bedroomstyling #sleepytime
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