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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

Dear New Mom; It’s not Going to be Easy

March 13, 2018 Comments : 7

I am slowly coming to the end of this pregnancy journey and it has me reminiscing about what it was like when I had my first born being a new mom. The experience wasn’t easy and I feel like as a society we are setting new moms up for failure by only portraying the good or beautiful side of motherhood. The truth is, is that motherhood is messy and unpredictable and you just might have that difficult baby that makes your question not only your sanity but also how you view yourself as a mom. This blog post is raw and honest about my delivery and post-partum experience with my now 6 year old who despite his beginnings has grown into a smart, funny, loving little boy who I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all again with.

I don’t remember much from being pregnant with Hayden except for his little kicks and bumps he blessed me with and the overall feeling of being uncomfortable especially since he was born at the end of August. By the time the last few weeks of pregnancy rolled around I was begging for an induction. I was hot, fat and miserable. I would have done anything to get him out of me so I went in for an induction at 39 weeks (which looking back on that decision was probably not the best idea since my body was not ready for it). I went in on August 29th, 2011 in the early morning hours with my mom and Hayden’s father. The induction process ended up being delayed till afternoon due to the labor and delivery floor being extremely busy so we sat in the room and waited.

Waiting sucks. There is an entire theory and science around waiting and how people tend to react and respond to waiting for something, anything to happen. I will be the first to admit I hate waiting for things. I enjoy instant gratification and at that moment I was so ready to meet my little guy who had already spent 39 weeks growing inside of me so by the time they started the induction process it had felt like I had been waiting an eternity (in reality it had only been 5 hours). I remember them starting pitocin gradually and initially thinking that this isn’t so bad, I can do this. Why do women always state that labor is the equivalent to getting ripped in half by two horses running in opposite directions? These thoughts were fleeting as soon as they began to increase the pitocin dose in order to force my uterus into contracting. I would not wish this medication on anyone, even 6 years later I can still remember how terrible the pain was in having a medication force my body into doing something that it just wasn’t ready to do.

At some point I got an epidural, probably after I decided I was in agony from the contractions and can remember trying to stay absolutely still during intense waves of contractions while some old anesthesia doctor jammed a giant needle into my back. At this point I was so exhausted I just wanted to lay down. Eventually, 14 hours into my labor Hayden’s heart rate dropped to below 40 beats per minute and despite their best efforts to re position me (which is pretty difficult when your lower extremities are numb), his heart rate continued to yo-yo up and down. It was officially c-section time. Hayden was born around 3 am on August 30th, 2011 by c-section with my mom accompanying into the operating room weighing in at a gigantic 10 pounds.

snapseed-10
Finally meeting Hayden he was so bloated!
snapseed-11
Peaceful moments in the hospital

I did experience a post-partum hemorrhage after delivery most likely due to being induced and having a larger sized baby. This complication led to a delay in breast milk production causing both myself and Hayden to have to stay in the hospital for about a week. Me due to my low blood levels and Hayden because he dropped more then 10% of his body weight. Finally, we were able to go home.

I don’t really think that I was prepared fully on what to expect when it came to being a new mom. Thankfully, my mother was around to help when I needed it but I still felt incredibly isolated and alone. Hayden was not an easy baby. He cried a lot, mostly at night, and I struggled significantly with breast feeding. All of this and a rocky relationship to begin with led to post-partum depression. I was constantly at war with my boyfriend, sleep deprived, felt unattractive and overweight and felt like a failure for not being able to do the most basic and natural thing to feed my baby. Something had to give and after meeting with a lactation consultant I decided that it would be best for me to exclusively pump and bottle feed Hayden. I am so happy that I made that decision since I was finally able to give him enough of what he needed without the tears and struggle. It was hard work and for the first couple of weeks I have to pump every 2 hours even through the night to build up my supply but it paid off in the end when I was able to overproduce what Hayden actually consumed.

Don’t get me wrong, even through the sleep deprivation and depression my son became my entire world after he was born. I would have done anything for him. The moments where he would smile or giggle overcame the moments when he was unhappy and crying. Despite this, I still couldn’t help but feel like I was the worst mom ever. Those first 6 months after he was born were some of the hardest days of my life and I thought that the reason he wouldn’t sleep was because of me, that there was something that I was doing wrong and I was detrimentally effecting this tiny human who depended on me. It didn’t help that the person that was suppose to be my partner was distant and not supportive about anything. Sometimes still when Hayden has a bad day or acts out I feel that it was because I wasn’t a good enough mom in the beginning (which is crazy and untrue, I know).

img_4149
The smiles were the best!

Eventually things evened out and my son and I found our groove but the struggle leading up to that was unexpected and difficult to talk about even with my closest friends and family. I felt like a failure and that others would judge me for my poor parenting skills. No one talks about how hard it is to have a new born. People generally only talk about how good their baby is and how their baby sleeps all night and never about the other struggles that arise. I wish I had known about the dark side of being a new mom, maybe then I would have been more prepared and less hard on myself when things didn’t go exactly the way I imagined they would.

I want all new moms to know that it will be difficult at times and that is OK. Not everyone will shed every single ounce of pregnancy weight immediately after delivery, your baby will most likely not sleep all night, and you will struggle with multiple things such as breast feeding, sleep schedules and even your own self esteem. This doesn’t make you a bad mom, in fact your doing an amazing job and things will get easier.

snapseed-12

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Preparing with Nuby
Next:
Hospital Bag Must Haves

Comments

  1. Sally says

    June 6, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    This baby so cute. Thanks for sharing

    Reply
  2. Sara says

    June 6, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    A Beautiful Post! Sometimes I wonder how fast times fly and you made me have a quick recap of my baby’s arrival too. Yeah, motherhood is messy, but the most sweetest phase 🙂

    Reply
  3. Samantha says

    June 6, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    You are an incredible mom. Your story is beautiful & inspiring. The beginning with a newborn is hard, but you did a great job. Hayden is lucky to have you as a mom.

    Reply
  4. Dee says

    June 6, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    This is such a great reminder for any mom! I wasn’t prepared for the downs of motherhood, since like you said no one really talks about it. Becoming a mom for the first time really opened my eyes to that!

    Reply
  5. Paula says

    June 6, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    Wow! Thanks so much for sharing!
    I too had my son in the summer in Florida and the heat was unbearable! We also ended up having an emergency c-section after a full day of labor but things went pretty well afterwards. You’re right, I think people tend to forget the hard times and focus on the positive, which is great, but it leaves new parents clueless to the hardships.

    Reply
  6. angie collinson says

    June 7, 2018 at 2:27 am

    my birth story and those first few weeks are both so clear and yet a blur all at the same time! Sharing stories and knowing you’re not alone through it all is a life saver…

    Reply
  7. Lexi says

    June 7, 2018 at 3:19 am

    What a scary experience! I had to have a c section too but it was planned, I couldn’t imagine it being a sudden change like that. It’s so important to remember everyone has rough days! I think a lot of people think everyone has it all together even though they have tough times too!

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, girlfriend and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on all things mom as well as life!

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“A beautiful day starts with a beautiful mindset “A beautiful day starts with a beautiful mindset” - unknown 
Read that again. 
No matter how crappy you think your day is going to be; wake up and set you mind to a more positive way of thinking. 
I can’t tell you how many times this thought process has gotten me through rough days at work, with the kids or even when I’m just feeling incredibly overwhelmed. 

Tell me how do you create a beautiful mindset? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#positivewords 
#motivationalquotesdaily 
#lifewithkids
AD: Balancing my mind and my immune system these d AD: Balancing my mind and my immune system these days. As a busy mom it’s so important that I keep a healthy immune system because moms don’t get days off! 

Bonus: supporting my gut health as well with products that contain @epicorimmune. It’s a POSTbiotic. Haven’t heard of that before? So, PRObiotics in your gut eat fibers (PREbiotics) in order to make beneficial metabolites. Well, POSTbiotics contain those metabolites and delivers them directly to your gut. 

Currently using @countrylifevitamins Gut Connection ImmuneBalance™ powered by @epicorimmune. You can find @countrylifevitamins online at the link in my bio. 

How are you balancing your mind and body these days?

#livemorehealthydays #EpiCorImmune 
#EpiCor 
#healthylivingtips

https://lnk2.io/wLKXFhK
Rainy day here today but this little corner of Ave Rainy day here today but this little corner of Avery’s bedroom looks so cozy. 

I’m so thankful to have passed on my love for reading to both my children and here are some of Avery’s favorite books on display. Beekle, Raz & Benz and Strictly no Elephants are Avery’s favs and we read them on repeat every night. I’ll link the books in my stories. 

What books do your kids love?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lifewithatoddler 
#toddlermomlife 
#momlife 
#motherhoodalive 
#motherhoodlife
I couldn’t go another day without having this sw I couldn’t go another day without having this sweet photo of both my kids and myself on my feed. 

Getting photos with the kids is hard and the majority of the time I’m doing it by myself. 
I rely on my camera, tripod and timer to snap these shots and anyone who knows this method can relate to it taking many shots to get something resembling what your initial idea was. 
Pretty happy to have finally caught this one and not ashamed to admit there was some bribery involved.

Share your tips with getting photos with your kids in the comments! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#mommyandme
#momswithcameras 
#momswithstyle 
#honestmommin 
#lifewithlittles
Easter is coming up and if your like me; you want Easter is coming up and if your like me; you want to create something (most likely last minute) that your kids will love but doesn’t cost a fortune. Well I am here to say Easter basket’s don’t have to be expensive! 

In fact: you can create a fun Easter basket for your kiddos that is inexpensive (and last minute if that’s your thing). 
Things I grabbed for Avery’s basket this year:
1. Chalk (Target dollar spot)
2. Sunglasses 
3. Water bottle 
4. Bubble wands
5. Socks (because what kid doesn’t love socks)
6. Plastic eggs with candy and coins 
7. Chocolate bunny 
8. Spring outfit 

For inspo on older kid’s Easter Basket ideas, make sure to check out my latest blog post (link in bio). 

That’s it! Quick, easy and the total cost was minimal. 
Bunny pictured from last year because my child does not need anymore stuffed animals.

What fun things do you do for Easter?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#easterbasket 
#easterbasketideas 
#toddlerhood 
#easterbaskets 
#busymomlife
3 years ago, this little one came into this world 3 years ago, this little one came into this world in a whirlwind and has kept us guessing and on our toes ever since. 
She loves reading, hiking, riding her bike, jumping on and off a thing, playing with her siblings and friends and Paw Patrol. 
Happy birthday Avery; life is that much better and just a little crazier with you around and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#birthdayvibes 
#toddlermom 
#toddlerstyle 
#threeyearsold 
#mylittleloves
Warmer springtime afternoons spent with this one i Warmer springtime afternoons spent with this one is nothing but pure joy with a little bit of caffeine thrown in to help keep me fueled. 

It is also the perfect time to pair your favorite @dunkin beverage with a snack. With options from Avocado Toast (my favorite), to a Grilled Cheese or Stuffed Croissant (Hayden’s favorite) or even a chocolate glazed donut (Avery’s favorite), there is something for everyone. And until April 27th, you can snag any size Cold Brew for just $3 with your Perks membership in Maine and Vermont. So, make sure to sign up today!!
So a big @dunkin cheers to warmer days, brighter flowers and spending more time outside with a coffee in one hand and a snack in the other. 

What are you looking forward to most about springtime?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#dunkinmaine 
#dunkinpartner 
#dunkin 
#mainemom 
#newengland_igers
I’ve had people ask me how I stay so organized; I’ve had people ask me how I stay so organized; how I manage kid’s schedules, work schedules, graduate school and blogging all at once.

Here’s the truth: I don’t. 

I am the least organized person you will meet. I have calendars everywhere and a planner filled with post it reminders and lists. The fact that we make it places on time, I get my school work done and meet deadlines for myself and brands is a small miracle with a little last minute panic thrown in when I remember something I forgot. 
So today I sat down. Updated my life and organized the next couple months so things feel a little bit calmer. Here’s to hoping this small bit of sanity continues. 

What do you do to keep you and your family organized?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#realmotherhood 
#targethome 
#officedesk 
#organizedliving 
#momstruggles
Follow Me on Instagram

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“A beautiful day starts with a beautiful mindset “A beautiful day starts with a beautiful mindset” - unknown 
Read that again. 
No matter how crappy you think your day is going to be; wake up and set you mind to a more positive way of thinking. 
I can’t tell you how many times this thought process has gotten me through rough days at work, with the kids or even when I’m just feeling incredibly overwhelmed. 

Tell me how do you create a beautiful mindset? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#positivewords 
#motivationalquotesdaily 
#lifewithkids
AD: Balancing my mind and my immune system these d AD: Balancing my mind and my immune system these days. As a busy mom it’s so important that I keep a healthy immune system because moms don’t get days off! 

Bonus: supporting my gut health as well with products that contain @epicorimmune. It’s a POSTbiotic. Haven’t heard of that before? So, PRObiotics in your gut eat fibers (PREbiotics) in order to make beneficial metabolites. Well, POSTbiotics contain those metabolites and delivers them directly to your gut. 

Currently using @countrylifevitamins Gut Connection ImmuneBalance™ powered by @epicorimmune. You can find @countrylifevitamins online at the link in my bio. 

How are you balancing your mind and body these days?

#livemorehealthydays #EpiCorImmune 
#EpiCor 
#healthylivingtips

https://lnk2.io/wLKXFhK
Rainy day here today but this little corner of Ave Rainy day here today but this little corner of Avery’s bedroom looks so cozy. 

I’m so thankful to have passed on my love for reading to both my children and here are some of Avery’s favorite books on display. Beekle, Raz & Benz and Strictly no Elephants are Avery’s favs and we read them on repeat every night. I’ll link the books in my stories. 

What books do your kids love?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lifewithatoddler 
#toddlermomlife 
#momlife 
#motherhoodalive 
#motherhoodlife
I couldn’t go another day without having this sw I couldn’t go another day without having this sweet photo of both my kids and myself on my feed. 

Getting photos with the kids is hard and the majority of the time I’m doing it by myself. 
I rely on my camera, tripod and timer to snap these shots and anyone who knows this method can relate to it taking many shots to get something resembling what your initial idea was. 
Pretty happy to have finally caught this one and not ashamed to admit there was some bribery involved.

Share your tips with getting photos with your kids in the comments! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#mommyandme
#momswithcameras 
#momswithstyle 
#honestmommin 
#lifewithlittles
Easter is coming up and if your like me; you want Easter is coming up and if your like me; you want to create something (most likely last minute) that your kids will love but doesn’t cost a fortune. Well I am here to say Easter basket’s don’t have to be expensive! 

In fact: you can create a fun Easter basket for your kiddos that is inexpensive (and last minute if that’s your thing). 
Things I grabbed for Avery’s basket this year:
1. Chalk (Target dollar spot)
2. Sunglasses 
3. Water bottle 
4. Bubble wands
5. Socks (because what kid doesn’t love socks)
6. Plastic eggs with candy and coins 
7. Chocolate bunny 
8. Spring outfit 

For inspo on older kid’s Easter Basket ideas, make sure to check out my latest blog post (link in bio). 

That’s it! Quick, easy and the total cost was minimal. 
Bunny pictured from last year because my child does not need anymore stuffed animals.

What fun things do you do for Easter?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#easterbasket 
#easterbasketideas 
#toddlerhood 
#easterbaskets 
#busymomlife
3 years ago, this little one came into this world 3 years ago, this little one came into this world in a whirlwind and has kept us guessing and on our toes ever since. 
She loves reading, hiking, riding her bike, jumping on and off a thing, playing with her siblings and friends and Paw Patrol. 
Happy birthday Avery; life is that much better and just a little crazier with you around and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#birthdayvibes 
#toddlermom 
#toddlerstyle 
#threeyearsold 
#mylittleloves
Warmer springtime afternoons spent with this one i Warmer springtime afternoons spent with this one is nothing but pure joy with a little bit of caffeine thrown in to help keep me fueled. 

It is also the perfect time to pair your favorite @dunkin beverage with a snack. With options from Avocado Toast (my favorite), to a Grilled Cheese or Stuffed Croissant (Hayden’s favorite) or even a chocolate glazed donut (Avery’s favorite), there is something for everyone. And until April 27th, you can snag any size Cold Brew for just $3 with your Perks membership in Maine and Vermont. So, make sure to sign up today!!
So a big @dunkin cheers to warmer days, brighter flowers and spending more time outside with a coffee in one hand and a snack in the other. 

What are you looking forward to most about springtime?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#dunkinmaine 
#dunkinpartner 
#dunkin 
#mainemom 
#newengland_igers
I’ve had people ask me how I stay so organized; I’ve had people ask me how I stay so organized; how I manage kid’s schedules, work schedules, graduate school and blogging all at once.

Here’s the truth: I don’t. 

I am the least organized person you will meet. I have calendars everywhere and a planner filled with post it reminders and lists. The fact that we make it places on time, I get my school work done and meet deadlines for myself and brands is a small miracle with a little last minute panic thrown in when I remember something I forgot. 
So today I sat down. Updated my life and organized the next couple months so things feel a little bit calmer. Here’s to hoping this small bit of sanity continues. 

What do you do to keep you and your family organized?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#realmotherhood 
#targethome 
#officedesk 
#organizedliving 
#momstruggles
Follow Me on Instagram
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