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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

How to Survive Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

June 25, 2020 Comments : 3

I recently recieved a e-mail from my son’s father, my ex-husband. The e-mail began “while I’m thinking about, just wanted to let you know” and it went into something that I did wrong or didn’t do when it came to parenting. Somthing silly or so trivial that you wouldn’t even think about it. This time, it was about underwear. Let me repeat that; underwear. How our son hadn’t been wearing underwear the last few times that he had gone to his dad’s house. When you call him out on it being a ridiculous thing to be upset about and how it was more then likely so far from the truth, you get told he is just trying to “co parent” and you’re not being receptive to it. This is exaclty what it is like when co-parenting with a narcissist.

So what is a narcissist? Narcissism is generally defined by the inability to handle any sort of criticism, an excessive need for admiration, and take advantage of others to get ahead. You can learn more about narcissistic personality disorder HERE. Having a relationship with a narcissist is difficult enough but co-parenting with a narcissist is a whole different ballgame.

So how do you survive co-parenting with a narcissist?

Act Neutral

HAve you heard the term “act like a gray rock.” Essentially you become boring and uninteresting that they will take their need for drama and attention elsewhere. Even if they accuse you or something, you agree or be unresponsive making it harder for them to project onto you whatever it is they are feeling.

For example, in the e-mail I mentioned above, my ex-husband started picking apart the date I had put in the e-mail subject line. It was a honest typo on my behalf. When he started to beome really upset about what I was responding to him he writes “Just to clarify the date is… there are only 30 days in June,” followed up with “I get it, dates are hard.” I simply apologized and said it was an honest mistake. No reson to get upset because at this point it was just an insult meant to belittle me in order to acheive validation within himself.

If you want to learn more about the Gray Rock method check out more information HERE.

Remain Calm

Do your very best to remain calm when co parenting with a narcissist. It’s not going to be easy and there will be many times that you will have to bitr your tongue so hard that it bleeds but I can gaurantee you that you will get nowhere and only fuel their fire some more.

Don’t React

This goes a long with remaining clam.

As hard as it might be, don’t react to the other person. If you recieve an e-mail or text from them let it sit for a while before responding. Especially if it’s something that is meant to be degrading and rude. Once you’ve had time to think, then respond. Your gut reaction will be to get upset and immediately send something back.

Remember, this isn’t about you

This is about the other person’s need to feel better then you and to get a reaction. People who are are narcissistic will have the need to belittle, intimidate or bully you in order to boost their own self worth. This is a flaw in them and not you. Don’t bring yourself down to their level and know no matter what they say about you, you are better then them.

Wondering how to survive co parenting with a narcissisit? Here are ways to get through it with your sanity intact. | Co parenting | Narcissist | Relationships |

Support your child

As challenging as it may be to co parent, it is also equally challenging for your child. They think the world of and love the other parent despite what you may be going through. Seek counseling if needed for your child to help them work through what they may be feeling. Most importantly, never ever talk bad about the other parent in front of the child. The narcissistic parent will only try and use that against you.

Document everything

Every conversation, drop off, pick up, interaction, document it. I even go as far as to document when I recieve child support and take pictures of the check and the envelope it comes in. Documenting things will only benefit you in the long run if and when an issue arises.

Take care of yourself

A big factor in surviving co-parenting with a narcissist is to take care of yourself. Practice some self care in whatever form you need to. When you feel good in both your body and mind, you can get through whatever the narcissist throws at you.

What tips do you have to co-parent with a difficult ex? Let me know in the comments below!

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Comments

  1. Audrey at Two Pink Peonies says

    July 9, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    I’m so lucky I’m not facing this but one of my friends is facing such drama and she could actually use this advice!

    Reply
  2. Jennifer Van Haitsma says

    July 9, 2020 at 2:24 pm

    I am still with my kids’ father, so no real advice, but I feel everyone knows THAT person. It’s so annoying!

    Reply
  3. Sara says

    July 9, 2020 at 11:55 pm

    These are great thoughts to help other people in this situation.

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, wife and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on being a mom, traveling with kids and lifestyle content.

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This pregnancy has been so hard on my body and mind and I have never felt more alone. Maybe because I’m just trying to out a smile on and be happy but most days I’m struggling. Pregnancy after loss is a constant state of anxiety. Filled with feelings of being scared to become too connected with this baby out of fear of something going wrong. 
But I’m trying and with every passing week my heart relaxes just a little bit more. So here’s to the final stretch, the third trimester and to all the other mamas out there struggling with similar feelings I’m sending you so much love. ❤️
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My go to: the New Mango Pineapple Refresher from @dunkin. 
With the summer time flavors of Mango and Pineapple fruit flavors you can combine them with Green Tea, Coconutmilk, or Lemonade to keep you cool and refreshed all summer long. 
Want an even sweeter deal? Sign up to be a Dunkin’ Perks member and earn rewards for your purchases as well as one free medium Dunkin’ Refresher as a new Perks Member. 
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Reading Eggs can also encourage parents to help children continue to learn over summer break! You can get @readingeggs with a free trial for 30 days and if you get a paid subscription, an accelerated 10-week Reading Eggs and Math Seeds online summer school is included. This is the perfect program for kindergarten to 3rd grade. To learn more, make sure to check out my stories and get your free trial today! 
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I hate this world that my children are growing up I hate this world that my children are growing up in. My heart sinks a little every time I send them off to school or daycare, terrified that something out of my control will happen to them. I can control what they eat, what they watch, who they play with to an extent but I can’t control the unknown. And right now raising children feels a little like walking into the unknown. 

So where do we go from here?
How do we teach our children about kindness, forgiveness and trust when society these days is throwing the exact opposite in their faces? How do we raise children and make them feel safe in a world that feels so heavy? In the last 24 hours I’ve thought to myself, this could be my children and the pain that goes along with just that thought is not even comparable to the pain the families who sent their children off to school to never come home are feeling right now. The sad truth though is that the next time it could be my children, your children, our community, our schools that are effected by a tragedy like this. 
As a parent this is the most terrifying thought of all. 

 Holding my children a little tighter today and every day because this world is an unpredictable place and holding onto hope that change is coming. ❤️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#motherhoodunplugged #honestmom #momlifeunfiltered #raisingkids #raisinglittles #workingmom #workingmomlife #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodunited
My favorite place in my home? My bed and @brooklin My favorite place in my home? My bed and @brooklinen has made it even more comfortable with their bedding bundles. 
Not only are they soft and feel luxurious, the price tag is  completely affordable for any budget. So if your looking to make your bed more welcoming and comfortable (since we spend about 1/3 of our lives in bed anyways!) make sure to check out @brooklinen and use the code daniellenicole to get $20 off $100 or more! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#gifted #mybrooklinenstyle #cornerofmyhome #bedroominspo #bedroomstyle #mycozyhome #bedroomideas
Anyone else not a big fan of maternity clothing? Anyone else not a big fan of maternity clothing? 
I have absolutely zero desire to buy maternity clothes so seeing how long I can make what’s in my closet work for me. 
Thankful I get to live in dresses, shorts and bathing suits this summer but dreading being in my third trimester during the hottest months here in the Northeast. 
If your pregnant this summer let’s be friends! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#momstyle #pregnancystyle #pregnantmama #23weekspregnant #joyfulmamas #mamaswithstyle #pregnantstyle #pregnantlife #targetstyle #targetmom #targetfinds #affordablestyle #ltkunder50 #secondtrimester
Anyone else struggle getting enough sleep? I know Anyone else struggle getting enough sleep? I know I do, especially lately.
(ad) @marlowpillow is helping me get better sleep with their cooling, memory foam pillows that are adjustable to the firmness that you like. Making my bed a cozier place to be allows me to get the rest my body is desperate for. Make sure to check out my stories to learn more! 
And the more you buy, the more you save so keep that in mind when your looking to update your space! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#mycozyhome #homedecorinspo #bedroominspo #cozybedroom #pregnancylife #bettersleep #bedtimereading #momlifeunfiltered #pregnantmama #motherhoodsimplified #bedroomstyling #sleepytime
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