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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

How to Survive Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

June 25, 2024 Comments : 3

I recently recieved a e-mail from my son’s father, my ex-husband. The e-mail began “while I’m thinking about, just wanted to let you know” and it went into something that I did wrong or didn’t do when it came to parenting. Somthing silly or so trivial that you wouldn’t even think about it. This time, it was about underwear. Let me repeat that; underwear. How our son hadn’t been wearing underwear the last few times that he had gone to his dad’s house. When you call him out on it being a ridiculous thing to be upset about and how it was more then likely so far from the truth, you get told he is just trying to “co parent” and you’re not being receptive to it. This is exaclty what it is like when co-parenting with a narcissist.

So what is a narcissist? Narcissism is generally defined by the inability to handle any sort of criticism, an excessive need for admiration, and take advantage of others to get ahead. You can learn more about narcissistic personality disorder HERE. Having a relationship with a narcissist is difficult enough but co-parenting with a narcissist is a whole different ballgame.

So how do you survive co-parenting with a narcissist?

Act Neutral

HAve you heard the term “act like a gray rock.” Essentially you become boring and uninteresting that they will take their need for drama and attention elsewhere. Even if they accuse you or something, you agree or be unresponsive making it harder for them to project onto you whatever it is they are feeling.

For example, in the e-mail I mentioned above, my ex-husband started picking apart the date I had put in the e-mail subject line. It was a honest typo on my behalf. When he started to beome really upset about what I was responding to him he writes “Just to clarify the date is… there are only 30 days in June,” followed up with “I get it, dates are hard.” I simply apologized and said it was an honest mistake. No reson to get upset because at this point it was just an insult meant to belittle me in order to acheive validation within himself.

If you want to learn more about the Gray Rock method check out more information HERE.

Remain Calm

Do your very best to remain calm when co parenting with a narcissist. It’s not going to be easy and there will be many times that you will have to bitr your tongue so hard that it bleeds but I can gaurantee you that you will get nowhere and only fuel their fire some more.

Don’t React

This goes a long with remaining clam.

As hard as it might be, don’t react to the other person. If you recieve an e-mail or text from them let it sit for a while before responding. Especially if it’s something that is meant to be degrading and rude. Once you’ve had time to think, then respond. Your gut reaction will be to get upset and immediately send something back.

Remember, this isn’t about you

This is about the other person’s need to feel better then you and to get a reaction. People who are are narcissistic will have the need to belittle, intimidate or bully you in order to boost their own self worth. This is a flaw in them and not you. Don’t bring yourself down to their level and know no matter what they say about you, you are better then them.

Support your child

As challenging as it may be to co parent, it is also equally challenging for your child. They think the world of and love the other parent despite what you may be going through. Seek counseling if needed for your child to help them work through what they may be feeling. Most importantly, never ever talk bad about the other parent in front of the child. The narcissistic parent will only try and use that against you.

Document everything

Every conversation, drop off, pick up, interaction, document it. I even go as far as to document when I recieve child support and take pictures of the check and the envelope it comes in. Documenting things will only benefit you in the long run if and when an issue arises.

Take care of yourself

A big factor in surviving co-parenting with a narcissist is to take care of yourself. Practice some self care in whatever form you need to. When you feel good in both your body and mind, you can get through whatever the narcissist throws at you.

What tips do you have to co-parent with a difficult ex? Let me know in the comments below!

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Comments

  1. Audrey at Two Pink Peonies says

    July 9, 2024 at 12:59 pm

    I’m so lucky I’m not facing this but one of my friends is facing such drama and she could actually use this advice!

    Reply
  2. Jennifer Van Haitsma says

    July 9, 2024 at 2:24 pm

    I am still with my kids’ father, so no real advice, but I feel everyone knows THAT person. It’s so annoying!

    Reply
  3. Sara says

    July 9, 2024 at 11:55 pm

    These are great thoughts to help other people in this situation.

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, wife and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on being a mom, traveling with kids and lifestyle content.

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I’m so glad I didn’t listen to all the negative talk about starting over and have a large gap in ages between my kids. It has been the best thing to watch. 
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#siblinglove #momof3 #motherhoodjourney #momtruths #momlife #momsofig
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We had the best day @seaworldorlando and are looki We had the best day @seaworldorlando and are looking forward to going back on our next visit to Florida. 
Have you ever been to @seaworldorlando? What was your favorite thing?! 
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.
.
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.
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#seaworldorlando #visitflorida #familytravel #seaworld #visitorlando #adventureswithchildren
Do you have a picky eater in your household?! We s Do you have a picky eater in your household?! We sure do! (Ad)
We have been using the @renzosvitamins for a while now and love having products that we can give our kids that are made with wholesome, clean ingredients without sugar or GMO’s. 
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Anyone else feel like they just don’t have the t Anyone else feel like they just don’t have the time for meal prepping? Between work, kids and grad school, preparing healthy meals for myself is the last thing on my mind. 
I recently discovered @nutre_meals and they make having healthy meals on hand that much easier. With meals delivered straight to your door, @nutre_meals takes the guess work out of healthy eating with 50+ menu items that are new every week. 
Check out the link in my bio to learn more and get 40% off your first order! 
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#nutremeals #busymomlife #easymeals #easymealprep #nutrepartner #gonutre #momlifestyle
I used to dread birthdays. The thought of getting I used to dread birthdays. The thought of getting older always made me feel sad, that life was just passing by so fast. 
This year feels different though. I didn’t dread this birthday. Instead I feel better than I have ever felt and more excited about another year passing by.  Celebrating it with my favorite people in paradise. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
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#happybirthdaytome #anotheryearolder #momsofig #momsover30 #momslife
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@seaworldorlando you were fun! (#sponsored) So man @seaworldorlando you were fun! (#sponsored) So many rides for different ages and things to see and do. I loved seeing all the different animals and the little ones loved Sesame Street land! 
And yes, Avery had so much fun even though she was slightly hesitant about the life size dolphin. 🐬Have you been to Sea World Orlando? What was your favorite thing to do? 
.
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