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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Pregnancy

Why don’t we talk about the loses?

October 30, 2019 Leave a Comment

Why don't we talk about the loses? Why pregnancy and infant loss matters and why we should be talking about it. | Pregnancy Loss | Infant Loss | Pregnancy | Life after loss |

1 in 4 women have experienced a pregnancy loss. These statistics are astounding and yet we don’t hear much about it. Nobody really talks about the loss. This month, October, is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Why do we wait for a month to talk about or share our loss with others? Why don’t we talk about the loses freely and openly anytime that we want?

For me, it was too hard initially after the loss of my multiple pregnancy at 22 weeks. Knowing my water had broke, knowing that a that time (10 years ago) that the babies were in now way viable to survive in the outside world, and knowing that I would leave the maternity unit without my children that I had planned for and dreamed of. It was too fucking hard to talk about.

Later on, after the birth of my son, talking about my loss brought up feelings of guilt. Guilt that I was celebrating a new little life even though I hadn’t fully mourned my loss. Guilt that I knew the perfect new baby I was holding wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t lost my previous pregnancy. Talking about the loss meant that I would have to feel guilty and that was also too hard to deal with.

Why don't we talk about the loses? Why pregnancy and infant loss matters and why we should be talking about it. | Pregnancy Loss | Infant Loss | Pregnancy | Life after loss |

Lastly, no one seemed to want to talk about it.

No one seemed to want to talk about my pregnancy loss. Sure people reached out and asked if there was anything that they could do and expressed their condolences but no one truly asked about the babies that I had lost. Maybe it was too hard for them as well to talk about it. Maybe the topic was too taboo. So since no one asked, I didn’t talk. I never told anyone their names, or that I held them after their birth or how I couldn’t bring myself to go into what would have been their nursery for months.

A grief counselor after I lost the pregnancy told me that when you lose a parent you lose your past, but when you lose a child, you lose your future. That is how I felt, I felt as though I lost my future and no one, except for the grief counselor and my therapist, wanted to talk about it. And over the time, the burden of holding in all that grief became overwhelming. Until finally, one friend asked and I was finally able to share all the pain, fear and guilt that I had been holding in for so long with someone else. Someone that knew me. Someone that cared. And honestly, it was such a relief to be able to share.

It’s okay to talk about your loss

Another reason I didn’t talk about it because I felt that it would make people too uncomfortable. Nobody wants to talk about miscarriages, late term loses, stillborn, infant death because of the emotions that it brings out. It’s not an easy topic to talk about but it’s one that we should talk about.

When I shared on Instagram last year that I was 1 in 4, the amount of support that came out of that one post was something that I never dreamed about. Women from all over reached out in the comments or through private messaging to share that they too had experienced a loss. It was incredibly empowering to have others to talk to and to know that I was not alone in the emotions that I was going through. And honestly it was a relief to finally be able to share my story with others.

So if you are someone who has been through a loss, I hope that this post will encourage to talk about your grief and to tell your story. To share with others and remember your pregnancy and baby, any day you want to, not just during one month.

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, girlfriend and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on all things mom as well as life!

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The extra strength and softness as well as the beautiful prints and patterns help this mama keep the sniffles at pay. Especially with this little one of mine who is constantly trying to wipe her nose on just about everything.
 
Looking to prepare you and your family for the cold and flu season? Check out my latest blog post (link in bio) on tips to do just that!

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3. Book ahead. You can book your reservation online and it is highly suggested. Times sell out quickly during vacation weeks and on weekends. The day we went was sold out. 

4. Bringing a really small child? Make sure to bring a sled to pull them on or put them in a carrier. Strollers will not move through the snow and ice. 

5. Visit at night if you can. We didn’t this year but in years past we have gone at night  when the Ice Castles are lit up with lights making it that more magical. 

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Taking a much needed break while the toddler naps Taking a much needed break while the toddler naps to just breathe. Chasing her around all day can be absolutely exhausting which means by the time I get to sit for a minute I am starving! 

@dunkin has me covered with a little afternoon pick me up with their delicious coffee and a new Snackin’ Menu. You can choose from stuffed croissants, stuffed bagel minis, a gluten-free brownie and Snackin’ Bacon available for a limited time at select locations! 
Pair these with your favorite coffee, my current fav is the Explorer Blend, for the perfect combination. So whether you are on the go or taking a mini afternoon break, make sure to grab something from the @dunkin Snackin’ Menu! 

Any guesses on how long my toddler break will last? I’ll give you a hint; not long! #toddlermomlife 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#dunkinmaine 
#dunkinpartner 
#dunkin
Happy thirty-something birthday to me!! Birthdays Happy thirty-something birthday to me!!

Birthdays used to be a big deal to me, now not so much. Getting older was scary but as the years have gone on, I look at another year older means another year of growth. 

Growing as a person, a mom, a friend, a wife, and growing in my own personal goals. My life is pretty damn good and I am loving every second of growing older with the amazing people around me. So cheers to another year around the sun! 

Also, getting a photo with balloons is about as hard as getting a photo with your children just in case anyone was wondering! ❤️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#birthdaycelebrations 
#thirtysomething 
#thirtyflirtyandthriving 
#itsamomthing
Anyone else hate when their toddler uses their clo Anyone else hate when their toddler uses their clothing to blow their nose?! Fully prepared for cold and flu season over here with the help of @scottiestissues. (ad)

The extra strength and softness as well as the beautiful prints and patterns help this mama keep the sniffles at pay. Especially with this little one of mine who is constantly trying to wipe her nose on just about everything.
 
Looking to prepare you and your family for the cold and flu season? Check out my latest blog post (link in bio) on tips to do just that!

Double tap if your toddler does the same thing! I can’t have the only one 😆
 .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#TripleSoftProtectionSquad
#healthykids
#motherhoodmoments 
#raisingtinyhumans 
#toddlerhood
Sunday’s are for being lazy, well as lazy as you Sunday’s are for being lazy, well as lazy as you can be when your solo parenting two kids all day and night. 

Sharing this space of my home because soon this dining room table will be replaced by what I think is the perfect new addition. But I want to remember the imperfections and memories this old one holds. Anyone else feel a sense of nostalgia about their home furniture or is it just me?

And to note the vase and fake stems are from @walmart and cost less then $10 for it all! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#homedecorinspo 
#diningroomideas 
#simplehomestyle 
#cornerofmyhouse 
#walmartfinds
#squaresofmeandmine
Our @icecastles_ adventure was a success! The kids Our @icecastles_ adventure was a success! The kids loved all the fun ice slides, hidden pathways and thousands upon thousands of icicles frozen together to create this winter escape.
Looking to visit one near you? Here are my tips to make your visit fun and exciting.

1. Dress for the weather. Snow pants, hats, boots and warm clothing are a must. We spent over an hour there and the children only complained once they were cold.

2. Mask up. Masks are required. We took ours off briefly for the photo, making sure there was plenty of distance between us and others.

3. Book ahead. You can book your reservation online and it is highly suggested. Times sell out quickly during vacation weeks and on weekends. The day we went was sold out. 

4. Bringing a really small child? Make sure to bring a sled to pull them on or put them in a carrier. Strollers will not move through the snow and ice. 

5. Visit at night if you can. We didn’t this year but in years past we have gone at night  when the Ice Castles are lit up with lights making it that more magical. 

Lastly, have fun and stop by the little fire pits set up throughout to warm up.

Have you been to the @icecastles_ this year? What did you think?!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#newenglandliving 
#icecastles 
#lifewithatoddler 
#adventureswithkids 
#newengland_igers
#mylittlestolove
Living this mantra more and more. Picking and choo Living this mantra more and more. Picking and choosing what to spend my energy on in order to stay sane these days. 
Focusing on the good versus the bad and the things that I can control. Applying this daily to my relationships, parenting and work life. 
Choosing the right things to spend my energy on in my day to day life has made all the difference in my own personal happiness. 

So how are you choosing to spend your energy in your own life? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

#motivationalwords 
#motherhoodgoals 
#dailyliving 
#quotestoinspire 
#inspirationalpost
Happy love day from my cutest little Valentine’s Happy love day from my cutest little Valentine’s. 
I love how much they love each other and want to spend time together despite their age gap (almost 7 years). 
And they remind me often to celebrate our love for each other every day! ❤️

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? What are your plans? Swipe to see some extra cuteness from my littles! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

#lifewithkids 
#raisinglittles 
#raisethemkind 
#motherhoodmoments 
#mynameismama
I love all the benefits that raw juice provides bu I love all the benefits that raw juice provides but not the mess of making it myself! (ad) @raw_generation_juices  is helping me hit the reset button this year with their raw juice cleanses. You don’t have to be doing a juice cleanse to benefit from cold pressed juices. These juices can help you jumpstart a healthier diet, increase your fruit and veggies intake, and improve your digestion. ⁣
⁣
My favorites; sweet roots and vanilla cashew! ⁣
Delivered right to your door with no mess , use the code DANIELLE15 to get 15% off and grab the link in my bio to shop. ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
#rawgenerationjuices 
#healthymommy ⁣
#busymoms ⁣
#momlifestyle
Follow Me on Instagram
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