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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

Procrastination, Fear and the Unknown

February 13, 2018 Comments : 2

I am not one to brag but I have this incredible skill that I have spent years cultivating. That skill is procrastination. I am amazing at putting things off till the last minute until full blown panic mood kicks in and I am furiously trying to finish whatever it is that I need to get done. This skill isn’t for everyone, after all, I do my best work under extreme pressure which has been beneficial to me throughout my many years of schooling and even now in my role as an ED nurse. For whatever reason when the time crunch is on my mind clears, calmness falls over me, and I have superhuman focus in order to complete a 20 page paper or even to save a life.

Procrastination currently though is not my friend in preparing for this baby. I am officially in the single digits of weeks left and do not even feel slightly prepared for what’s to come. Some may think; well you already have a child, you must have stuff from then but they tend to forget that when your child is 6 and you’ve gone through a divorce you get rid of stuff over the years till your left with nothing for a baby. Thankfully I have a crib (thanks to my sister), a pack and play (thanks to Aaron being on the ball) and a breast pump (thank you insurance). I also have some clothes and miscellaneous items thanks to my mom, my boyfriend’s daughter and a kind co-worker. My baby shower is next weekend which wouldn’t have even been possible if it wasn’t for 2 of my amazing friends who basically told me they were going to throw me one. So I am sure that I will get more necessary items then but other then that, besides a set of really cute ruffle sleeve onesies I purchased, I have not done much to prepare for this baby.

So why have I been procrastinating getting things together and organized because generally women are so excited when it comes to baby prepping? So while I sat in labor and delivery last night for 4 hours being monitored for contractions, I decided to take the time and reflect on why I was putting preparing for baby off and it ultimately led to the realization that it was because of fear. Fear of loss and the unknown were the two main reasons that came to mind.

My family has been through enough loss when it comes to pregnancy. I myself have personally experienced loss with my first pregnancy and was there for another family member when she experienced her own personal loss as well. This has made me reluctant to be excited about this pregnancy because I am terrified that it will end without a healthy baby in my arms coming home with us. I had a grief counselor tell me that when you lose your parents you lose your past but when you lose your child you lose your future which at that time was exactly how I felt; that I had lost what was to come. I’m scared to prepare for a future that may not happen.

IMG_0289
My rainbow baby who is now just as adorable at the age of 6

Early on in my second trimester I was told my c-section scar was thinning which could lead to a number of complications with the pregnancy as well as labor. Since then I have had one maternal fetal medicine doctor tell me I would require an early c-section, another one say that things looked stable and I could possibly have a c-section closer to 39 weeks, while the last one gave me hope that I could have the VBAC I had dreamed of. All these mixed opinions have caused me to be afraid of what is still unknown. We may not fully know the state of my previous scar until I deliver this baby, one way or another, but until then I’m scared of what that unknown can lead to and the complications that could arise.

Coming to these realizations were not easy nor is sharing them with the world. Hopefully now I can stop procrastinating and get working on preparing myself mentally and physically for this baby. If that fails, I will wait till the last minute like I do with so many other things and run around like a crazy lady trying to prepare what I’m sure I could pull off to be a fabulous nursery.

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Comments

  1. kristinmoras says

    February 14, 2018 at 9:47 am

    Hang in there mama! I know that feeling of fear too. I just had a repeat cesarean too after hoping for a VBAC. They realized my scar was thin also and so I was delivered at 39weeks. It’s so scary, the unknown, but try to get your mind off of it with self-care and surrounding yourself with family and friends. Soon you’ll be holding your precious little babe! ♡

    Reply
  2. myslightlychaoticlife says

    February 15, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    Thank you so much! It’s scary to not know what’s going on and feels like it’s just a waiting game. I’m happy you had a safe delivery of your baby even though it wasn’t what you were hoping for. Healthy baby and mom is all that matters in the end!

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, wife and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on being a mom, traveling with kids and lifestyle content.

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My nights after the kids go to bed is so productiv My nights after the kids go to bed is so productive. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #honestmom #funnymom #momhumor #funnyreel #relateable
I’m not sure if they are going to invite me back I’m not sure if they are going to invite me back….
.
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.
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.
#mommyandme #mommemes #honestmom #momsbelike #darkhumor #workingmomlife
Any other Winter Warriors out there? #ad You know, Any other Winter Warriors out there? #ad You know, the ones who drink iced coffee even in the coldest of weather? @dunkin is here to support all those Winter Warriors out there with their selection of iced coffee! If you’re out in the snow and drinking an iced coffee this winter, make sure to tag #dunkinwinterwarrior on your post!
#dunkinmaine #dunkinpartner
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#maineliving #mainetheway #icedcoffee #icedcoffeeaddict #momstyle #momlifestyle
Supporting my postpartum body with @beli.baby Pren Supporting my postpartum body with @beli.baby Prenatal vitamins. 
Not only are the essential prior to conception and during pregnancy; they are essential to keep the body healthy after pregnancy as well. 
I have openly shared my previous miscarriages before finally getting pregnant with Chloe. This is why I decided to check out the Beli Women Prenatal vitamins to help with my own personal fertility and boost my chances of a having a successful pregnancy. The Beli Women Prenatal vitamins are formulated with powerful ingredients that can boost fertility and conception as well as  improve egg quality. As an older mom, this was especially important to me. During pregnancy, the Beli Women Prenatal can protect baby’s brain and spine, help reduce nausea, and then support postpartum recovery and breastfeeding.
And as a busy mom having the ability to order and have them delivered to your door monthly makes it that much easier for me to remember to take them. 
What are you doing to support your postpartum wellness? #belibaby #postpartumbody 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#postpartumwellness #postpartumjourney #pregnancylife #mombod #momof3 #pregnancyjourney
A little day off morning routine that for once was A little day off morning routine that for once was not pure craziness. 
Things that help me get out the door in the morning on time is getting up before the kids, having clothes picked out the night before and making sure their bags are packed for daycare and school. 
Mornings before work are a completely different ballgame. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#morningroutine #morningvlog #dayinthelife #dailyvlog #momof3 #motherhoodunfiltered #dailylife
Not exactly sure how I am going to survive the tee Not exactly sure how I am going to survive the teen years with this one. 🤦🏻‍♀️ 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#raisingdaughters #momreels #motherhood #momhumor #mommyandme
I wonder what it must be like to go through life w I wonder what it must be like to go through life without a care in the world 😂 I guess this is where we balance each other out; me being the ball of anxiety and him being calm. Anyone else’s marriage or relationship like this? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#marriagehumor #marriedlife #funnyreel #anxietyproblems #marriagegoals #husbandandwife
I can’t even move the wrong way without feeling I can’t even move the wrong way without feeling it the next day. Not sure how I have come to this point in my life. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#parentingmemes #funnyreels #momhumor #newreel #tiredmom #relateable #adultlife
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