Nobody tells you that you are going to feel this way. I was not at all prepared for the aftermath of emotions that came post delivery. I started to feel that there was something wrong with me, that I was broken emotionally as well as physically since the c-section. The sadness, frustration when things didn’t go my way such as with breastfeeding and the insomnia that kept me up at night were all just the tip of the iceberg for me after Avery was born.
It didn’t happen until about day 3 post delivery that I began to have random bouts of crying for no reason. I had no idea why I was crying and it would appear to happen at any given time or any given moment. I would also become frustrated to the point of tears when breastfeeding wasn’t going my way. Along with random bouts of crying I also felt incredibly alone, like no one understood what I was going through. Even Aaron sometimes looked at me like I was crazy when I would spontaneously burst into tears. So I did what any sane person would do and googled my symptoms hoping for some kind of answers.
Americanpregnancy.org (Click here to read more) states that about 70-80% of all new mothers experience some sort of mood swings or negative feelings after giving birth. These can manifest as crying for no reason, anxiety, fatigue, insomnia or even sadness. While the cause is unknown on what leads to the “baby blues” it is thought that hormonal changes can lead to chemical changes in the brain similar to depression.
I was so happy about the birth of my new baby that I couldn’t understand why at times I was overcome with sadness so reading this made sense. I remember struggling as well after my son and even dealing with some level of postpartum depression due to the heightened stress in my previous relationship at the time so when i began struggling again it didn’t make sense. My relationship with Aaron is not toxic like my previous relationship and not only that but he supports me and helps me out in any way that he can. I shouldn’t be feeling sad and alone especially since I was so happy to have this new baby here safely.
My experience with the “baby blues” is improving. I’m feeling better each day and experiencing less episodes of random crying and the feeling of being an inadequate mother are going away. I’m lucky because even though I may feel alone, I have an incredible support system to help me get through these feelings.
So what’s the difference between the “baby blues” and postpartum depression? The Mayo Clinic gives a great comparison between the “baby blues,” Postpartum depression and the most severe form; postpartum psychosis. Many women struggle with these and don’t understand what is happening to them. Most importantly many women don’t speak up and tell their doctor’s, friends, family or loved ones that they are feeling this way and need help. Click here for more information for the Mayo Clinic on the difference between postpartum depression and the baby blues.
Thankfully I only experienced these feelings for a short period but many other women struggle with postpartum depression for much longer then a couple of weeks. If you feel like you are experiencing these symptoms, reach out to your doctor. There are things that they can do to help. Most importantly know that you are not alone, that many women feel this way and it is not a reflection of how your doing as a mom.
There was no amount of reading or talking to friends that could have prepared me for how I would feel postpartum! We have to keep sharing our stories and realize, just as you said, we’re not alone!
Yes exactly! It was such an unexpected feeling since I was so happy to have my baby. I feel better now but many women suffer for way longer and the thing is they don’t have to! I just want others to know they are not alone and there is help available.
Yes! I totally felt this way after having my daughter. It’s just a lot to deal with. Your mind can go to some very dark places. Like you said it’s important to have a trusted support system and to take care of yourself in order to be the best mom and partner ♥️
Thank you for sharing your journey, it’s so important that we talk about these struggles.
I too think it’s important to talk about this to reduce the stigma surrounding Post pastime depression. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of but for some reason it makes us feel like a terrible mom if we have these feelings. I hope you are feeling better now! ❤️
I had no idea that postpartum depression could happen to anybody especially if you have no mental health history. And it doesn’t always happen immediately after delivery, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression 9 weeks after I had my son and it was one of the most horrifying and saddening times. I knew that was supposed to be happy that I had a new baby and I could not understand why I was not. It broke my heart. Realizing that there was a problem was the first step in getting help, I had an amazing midwife who saw me immediately when I called her and then was started on medication which has absolutely changed how I feel. I feel like my old self and I wish I had felt like this since the beginning of my son’s life. You think that initially after having a baby you are sleep-deprived that’s probably why you were being emotional, but at some point that is not the only reason that you have those feelings it is actually from a chemical and hormonal imbalance that needs to be addressed, and when it does you feel like a whole new person! It was very helpful to have an attending mother and husband who noticed the changes in me and pushed me to do some research about my symptoms and to contact my doctor. It’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and it’s not anyone’s fault. Seeking treatment is the absolute best thing you can do!
I’m so happy you found help and are feeling better! I wish more people would talk and be open about it so the stigma would be reduced around having these feelings. There is absolutely no way to prevent it or predict who and when it will happen. Having a great support system is key and it’s great you have a supporting family and midwife that helped you recognize the symptoms of PPD.
You are right, no one warns you! I’ve been in that place before. I am so happy that you are doing better. All the shed tears and feelings of being a failure are so worth it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your comment. I know that when I think back on this time I will only remember the good times with my children and not the way that I felt postpartum.
If you haven’t gone through it, you don’t know what it’s like. So no one can ever prepare you. But you’ve made the first step in recognizing it, mama. And you’re doing awesome!
Thank you so much and you are right that if others haven’t been there it is hard for them to understand.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I know everyone’s experience looks different, but it is good to know I’m not alone in having some of my own baby blues ❤️
You are not alone at all mama! Hang in there, it does get better.