Today I yelled at my 6 year old son. I was trying to usher the children out the door since I was already running behind schedule on getting them dropped off and heading into work. I asked him like I always do to get his shoes on so we could be ready to walk out the door once I buckled Avery into her car seat.
It had already been a difficult morning. Hayden struggles at times with transitions and the constant back and forth between two very different households. At times this struggle for him comes out in the form of acting out. I was tired, he was frustrated and the baby was crying.
So what does a 6 year old boy do when he wants to really irritate his already stressed to the max mom? He sits down, unties his already tied shoes and then slowly begins to put them on his feet. When I say slowly, I mean turtle speed slow. Where every piece of his shoe has to lay perfectly against his foot and the shoelaces have to be tied in just a way that each loop is the same size and diameter. I basically lost my shit and yelled at him. I yelled at my 6 year old son to move his ass and then asked if he was intentionally trying to make my life harder this morning. (Yes, i swear at my kids occasionally. No, I don’t like doing it).
In that moment where everything went white in my vision and I began yelling, I felt like the world’s worst mother. I hate yelling at my child. In fact, I hate getting upset with him because I know that he struggles with learning two different ways of living. I also know that this is a normal response for his age. But then there’s still the fact that he acts like a little shit sometimes.
So what should I do next time I want to yell at my child? Besides going crazy and tossing all the tie shoes out and replacing them with Velcro ones?
1. Take a deep breath
Deep breathing techniques work wonders when you want to yell at your child. For me it is more like dragon breathing but still it helps calm me down somewhat so then instead of yelling it just looks like I’m breathing fire. To a 6 year old boy that looks cool and we both start laughing.
2. Ignore him
Just ignore the behavior. Easier said then done, right? Sometimes all Hayden wants is attention even if he is going about it in a negative way. Once he realizes he’s not going to get that attention, he moves on. I do this by turning away and chugging my coffee (in the morning) or wine (in the evening) and counting to 10. By then he’s moved on to something else.
3. Don’t argue
Under no circumstances do you argue with a 6 year old. You can not reason with them logically. When Hayden believes he is right he is stubborn as all hell and will argue it from sun up to sundown. We are working on this but for now I expend more of my energy then he does.
4. Try and remember he is only 6
He is still just a little boy. Do I have high expectations for his behavior? Absolutely. I expect him to be polite and say thank you, no thank you and please. I also expect him to hold doors for little old ladies and do chores around the house. Even though I have these expectations of him I have to remember that he is still only 6 years old. We are still working on managing his emotions and learning how to process without melting down.
5. Remember I’m only human
Yes I yelled at my child and I’m sure it will happen again. I’m only human and at times I lose my cool. I hate doing it but it is unrealistic for me to think that it’s not going to happen again. All I can do is just try and do better next time and apologize for losing my composure. We then try and talk about it and discuss how we can both do better next time.
We are both still learning patience, understanding and better techniques to communicate. Hopefully things will only get better from here and the times that I lose my shit diminish.
So what are your tips and tricks to keep your sanity when your child tests your patience? Let me know in the comments below!
I totally empathize. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and I always feel guilty after I let my emotions get the better of me. It’s a fine line between giving-in and holding the “adult” upper-hand. Sometimes I win. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes, we have to give ourselves grace.
I think we have all been guilty of loosing our cool with our kids-the hard part is not beating ourselves up too much and getting support. Goodness sakes they didn’t come with an instruction manual!
These are awesome tips! It’s so hard sometimes to ignore the behavior, but I’m going to try your steps next time I feel like anger rising.
Thank you so much for the tips. I frequently find myself wanting to yell at my six year old. I am going to try to remember these tips, so I don’t have to feel guilty afterwards.
This is a great, and simple to implement, set of tips! Thank you. I especially like #3, you’re right about that!
I don’t have any kids, so I wouldn’t know, but I can imagine how challenging it can be and I think all parents have yelled at their kids at some point. I always get so impressed when I see parents who are totally calm when their kid is being abit diffucult, and they just sit down and in a calm voice explain to their kid why they have to do whatever they have to do, and it actually works! I think it can be very good to talk with children and explain them stuff – but sometimes even that doesn’t work. That’s when you need those breathing exercizes I guess. Glad I don’t have to think about that yet!
You are human. You will have outbursts like this once in awhile. But your kid will love you none the less. I know I will have outbursts like this down the road with my future offspring and I will feel terrible, but you learn and move on.
Aww hun I think we all have these types of days, Elian is 2 but my gosh some days he just knows how to push my buttons! These are great tips as I think we all need these as parents
It is really not easy to be a parent. Taking a deep breath is really helpful, take few seconds off the situation. Thanks for sharing your parenting experience! Parenting is not a job that we can quit but instead we need to be patience and keep learning the correct way to work together with children.
Bless your heart, Danielle. It is definitely unrealistic to think it won’t happen again. Whenever I lose my cool on my 3 year old, I feel like 💩. I do my best to explain to him why I did, and how nice it’d be for him to behave nicely. Who am I kidding, he is a 3year old, I hold my “woosah” and “dragon breath(lol)”moments to heart, it keeps me going, when all else fails, wine…a good glass of red calms my precious nerves. Good tips!
Such a great read and your tips come at the right time for me. I think as parents most especially as a mother’s we are coming at the time that we can no longer control ourselves that will end up yelling at our child. As many of us said, I am only a human and there is a possibility that I will do that again and again.
As a mother it is a daily challenge for us specailly when we have small kids. I also have a guilt feeling whenever I scold or shout at my kids. Thanks for the tips it really do help a lot.
I feel you! There are times when I just want to walk out from all the madness at home, haha!
I use some of these strategies in the classroom. Except the wine… Hahaha 🙂 They do work.
I think the last point is the most important. As parents we try to do out best…but we are gonna blow it. Don’t beat yourself up when you mess up…just apologize and move on.
You have very cute and so adorable kids.
I love those tips you listed above, it is very helpful. Every single word remains in my mind. Thank you for this!
Great tips! I have 4 boys and all ages try to test me as a mother. Some days I yell curse and all the above but do the best I can as a mother to hold it all together. Sometimes we lose our cool…and it’s ok.
I can completely relate to this. My son is only 2 and there are times that he only listens once I lose my temper and scream like a banshee. I don’t want to get to that point, and I’m sure my son doesn’t like seeing it either. Breathing and remembering they are young and to not lose your mind helps. Thanks for sharing!
This was so inspiring. The thing is, there is no such thing as perfect parenting and you can only do the best that you can do.
These are great tips for dealing with testing little ones. I think every parent goes through this at some point!