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My Slightly Chaotic Life

Balancing Life, Children and Chaos

Parenting

Today I Yelled at My Child

July 19, 2018 Comments : 20

Today i yelled at my child. This does not make me a bad mom, it makes me human. How I plan to do better next time and some tips to help not lose your cool when your child is testing your patience.

Today I yelled at my 6 year old son. I was trying to usher the children out the door since I was already running behind schedule on getting them dropped off and heading into work. I asked him like I always do to get his shoes on so we could be ready to walk out the door once I  buckled Avery into her car seat.

It had already been a difficult morning. Hayden struggles at times with transitions and the constant back and forth between two very different households. At times this struggle for him comes out in the form of acting out.  I was tired, he was frustrated and the baby was crying.

So what does a 6 year old boy do when he wants to really irritate his already stressed to the max mom? He sits down, unties his already tied shoes and then slowly begins to put them on his feet. When I say slowly, I mean turtle speed slow. Where every piece of his shoe has to lay perfectly against his foot and the shoelaces have to be tied in just a way that each loop is the same size and diameter. I basically lost my shit and yelled at him. I yelled at my 6 year old son to move his ass and then asked if he was intentionally trying to make my life harder this morning. (Yes, i swear at my kids occasionally. No, I don’t like doing it).

In that moment where everything went white in my vision and I began yelling, I felt like the world’s worst mother. I hate yelling at my child. In fact, I hate getting upset with him because I know that he struggles with learning two different ways of living. I also know that this is a normal response for his age. But then there’s still the fact that he acts like a little shit sometimes.

So what should I do next time I want to yell at my child? Besides going crazy and tossing all the tie shoes out and replacing them with Velcro ones?

1. Take a deep breath

Deep breathing techniques work wonders when you want to yell at your child. For me it is more like dragon breathing but still it helps calm me down somewhat so then instead of yelling it just looks like I’m breathing fire. To a 6 year old boy that looks cool and we both start laughing.

2. Ignore him

Just ignore the behavior. Easier said then done, right? Sometimes all Hayden wants is attention even if he is going about it in a negative way. Once he realizes he’s not going to get that attention, he moves on. I do this by turning away and chugging my coffee (in the morning) or wine (in the evening) and counting to 10. By then he’s moved on to something else.

3. Don’t argue

Under no circumstances do you argue with a 6 year old. You can not reason with them logically. When Hayden believes he is right he is stubborn as all hell and will argue it from sun up to sundown. We are working on this but for now I expend more of my energy then he does.

4. Try and remember he is only 6

He is still just a little boy. Do I have high expectations for his behavior? Absolutely. I expect him to be polite and say thank you, no thank you and please. I also expect him to hold doors for little old ladies and do chores around the house. Even though I have these expectations of him I have to remember that he is still only 6 years old. We are still working on managing his emotions and learning how to process without melting down.

5. Remember I’m only human

Yes I yelled at my child and I’m sure it will happen again. I’m only human and at times I lose my cool. I hate doing it but it is unrealistic for me to think that it’s not going to happen again. All I can do is just try and do better next time and apologize for losing my composure. We then try and talk about it and discuss how we can both do better next time.

We are both still learning patience, understanding and better techniques to communicate. Hopefully things will only get better from here and the times that I lose my shit diminish.

So what are your tips and tricks to keep your sanity when your child tests your patience? Let me know in the comments below!

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Comments

  1. Jane says

    July 20, 2018 at 8:01 pm

    I totally empathize. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and I always feel guilty after I let my emotions get the better of me. It’s a fine line between giving-in and holding the “adult” upper-hand. Sometimes I win. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes, we have to give ourselves grace.

    Reply
  2. Stacey Allis says

    July 20, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    I think we have all been guilty of loosing our cool with our kids-the hard part is not beating ourselves up too much and getting support. Goodness sakes they didn’t come with an instruction manual!

    Reply
  3. Samantha says

    July 21, 2018 at 12:00 am

    These are awesome tips! It’s so hard sometimes to ignore the behavior, but I’m going to try your steps next time I feel like anger rising.

    Reply
  4. Kristina says

    July 21, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Thank you so much for the tips. I frequently find myself wanting to yell at my six year old. I am going to try to remember these tips, so I don’t have to feel guilty afterwards.

    Reply
  5. Melisa Liberman says

    July 22, 2018 at 10:36 am

    This is a great, and simple to implement, set of tips! Thank you. I especially like #3, you’re right about that!

    Reply
  6. Namra says

    August 1, 2018 at 11:21 am

    I don’t have any kids, so I wouldn’t know, but I can imagine how challenging it can be and I think all parents have yelled at their kids at some point. I always get so impressed when I see parents who are totally calm when their kid is being abit diffucult, and they just sit down and in a calm voice explain to their kid why they have to do whatever they have to do, and it actually works! I think it can be very good to talk with children and explain them stuff – but sometimes even that doesn’t work. That’s when you need those breathing exercizes I guess. Glad I don’t have to think about that yet!

    Reply
  7. GiGi Eats says

    August 1, 2018 at 12:51 pm

    You are human. You will have outbursts like this once in awhile. But your kid will love you none the less. I know I will have outbursts like this down the road with my future offspring and I will feel terrible, but you learn and move on.

    Reply
  8. Chantele says

    August 1, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    Aww hun I think we all have these types of days, Elian is 2 but my gosh some days he just knows how to push my buttons! These are great tips as I think we all need these as parents

    Reply
  9. kumamonjeng says

    August 1, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    It is really not easy to be a parent. Taking a deep breath is really helpful, take few seconds off the situation. Thanks for sharing your parenting experience! Parenting is not a job that we can quit but instead we need to be patience and keep learning the correct way to work together with children.

    Reply
  10. Maureen says

    August 2, 2018 at 12:02 am

    Bless your heart, Danielle. It is definitely unrealistic to think it won’t happen again. Whenever I lose my cool on my 3 year old, I feel like 💩. I do my best to explain to him why I did, and how nice it’d be for him to behave nicely. Who am I kidding, he is a 3year old, I hold my “woosah” and “dragon breath(lol)”moments to heart, it keeps me going, when all else fails, wine…a good glass of red calms my precious nerves. Good tips!

    Reply
  11. Catherine Santiago Jose says

    August 2, 2018 at 5:39 am

    Such a great read and your tips come at the right time for me. I think as parents most especially as a mother’s we are coming at the time that we can no longer control ourselves that will end up yelling at our child. As many of us said, I am only a human and there is a possibility that I will do that again and again.

    Reply
  12. Karla says

    August 2, 2018 at 8:44 am

    As a mother it is a daily challenge for us specailly when we have small kids. I also have a guilt feeling whenever I scold or shout at my kids. Thanks for the tips it really do help a lot.

    Reply
  13. Czjai Reyes-Ocampo says

    August 2, 2018 at 10:12 am

    I feel you! There are times when I just want to walk out from all the madness at home, haha!

    Reply
  14. Rosey says

    August 2, 2018 at 10:14 am

    I use some of these strategies in the classroom. Except the wine… Hahaha 🙂 They do work.

    Reply
  15. Holly says

    August 2, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    I think the last point is the most important. As parents we try to do out best…but we are gonna blow it. Don’t beat yourself up when you mess up…just apologize and move on.

    Reply
  16. Gladys Nava says

    August 3, 2018 at 12:34 am

    You have very cute and so adorable kids.
    I love those tips you listed above, it is very helpful. Every single word remains in my mind. Thank you for this!

    Reply
  17. Tosha Ornelas says

    August 3, 2018 at 12:40 am

    Great tips! I have 4 boys and all ages try to test me as a mother. Some days I yell curse and all the above but do the best I can as a mother to hold it all together. Sometimes we lose our cool…and it’s ok.

    Reply
  18. Nicole says

    August 3, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    I can completely relate to this. My son is only 2 and there are times that he only listens once I lose my temper and scream like a banshee. I don’t want to get to that point, and I’m sure my son doesn’t like seeing it either. Breathing and remembering they are young and to not lose your mind helps. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  19. Jojo Hua says

    August 3, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    This was so inspiring. The thing is, there is no such thing as perfect parenting and you can only do the best that you can do.

    Reply
  20. Elizabeth O says

    August 4, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    These are great tips for dealing with testing little ones. I think every parent goes through this at some point!

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Danielle. I'm a mom, wife and ED nurse. I love sharing my honest take on being a mom, traveling with kids and lifestyle content.

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This pregnancy has been so hard on my body and mind and I have never felt more alone. Maybe because I’m just trying to out a smile on and be happy but most days I’m struggling. Pregnancy after loss is a constant state of anxiety. Filled with feelings of being scared to become too connected with this baby out of fear of something going wrong. 
But I’m trying and with every passing week my heart relaxes just a little bit more. So here’s to the final stretch, the third trimester and to all the other mamas out there struggling with similar feelings I’m sending you so much love. ❤️
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#pregnancyjourney #pregnantmama #thirdtrimester #pregnancyafterloss #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #honestmom #motherhoodunfiltered #motherhoodunplugged #mainemom
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With Father’s Day just around the corner, the perfect gift idea is from @picturesongold. With high quality photo laser engraving and fully customizable, it makes the perfect sentimental gift for the dad in your life. Learn more over @picturesongold! 

I would love to know your Father’s Days plan this year and how you are celebrating! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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#fathersdaygifts #fathersday2022 #giftideasforhim #mombloggers #motherhoodthroughig #celebratedad #parentinglife
Looking for an afternoon pick me up after chasing Looking for an afternoon pick me up after chasing the kids around all day during summer break? (#ad) 
My go to: the New Mango Pineapple Refresher from @dunkin. 
With the summer time flavors of Mango and Pineapple fruit flavors you can combine them with Green Tea, Coconutmilk, or Lemonade to keep you cool and refreshed all summer long. 
Want an even sweeter deal? Sign up to be a Dunkin’ Perks member and earn rewards for your purchases as well as one free medium Dunkin’ Refresher as a new Perks Member. 
Refreshers available through August 16th or while supplies last! 

What’s your summer plans look like? Any fun plans happening this year? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#dunkinmaine #dunkinpartner #maineliving #mainetheway #lifeofamom #summervibes☀️ #momhood #momlifestyle #newenglandblogger #mainemom #summerinmaine
Screen time but make it educational and fun! (#ad) Screen time but make it educational and fun! (#ad)
@readingeggs is our go to program to help our four year old learn to read. It was developed by highly experienced team of elementary school teachers, writers and developers to help children become fluent and proficient readers. Using a wide range of activities that feel like games, it will keep your busy child interested. 
Reading Eggs can also encourage parents to help children continue to learn over summer break! You can get @readingeggs with a free trial for 30 days and if you get a paid subscription, an accelerated 10-week Reading Eggs and Math Seeds online summer school is included. This is the perfect program for kindergarten to 3rd grade. To learn more, make sure to check out my stories and get your free trial today! 
.
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.
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.
.
.
#readingeggs #learntoread #eggsplorer #toddlermomlife #schoolfromhome #parentingblogger #kidslearning #earlyeducation #kidsactivities #momlifestyle #momblogs #motherhoodalive
I hate this world that my children are growing up I hate this world that my children are growing up in. My heart sinks a little every time I send them off to school or daycare, terrified that something out of my control will happen to them. I can control what they eat, what they watch, who they play with to an extent but I can’t control the unknown. And right now raising children feels a little like walking into the unknown. 

So where do we go from here?
How do we teach our children about kindness, forgiveness and trust when society these days is throwing the exact opposite in their faces? How do we raise children and make them feel safe in a world that feels so heavy? In the last 24 hours I’ve thought to myself, this could be my children and the pain that goes along with just that thought is not even comparable to the pain the families who sent their children off to school to never come home are feeling right now. The sad truth though is that the next time it could be my children, your children, our community, our schools that are effected by a tragedy like this. 
As a parent this is the most terrifying thought of all. 

 Holding my children a little tighter today and every day because this world is an unpredictable place and holding onto hope that change is coming. ❤️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#motherhoodunplugged #honestmom #momlifeunfiltered #raisingkids #raisinglittles #workingmom #workingmomlife #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodunited
My favorite place in my home? My bed and @brooklin My favorite place in my home? My bed and @brooklinen has made it even more comfortable with their bedding bundles. 
Not only are they soft and feel luxurious, the price tag is  completely affordable for any budget. So if your looking to make your bed more welcoming and comfortable (since we spend about 1/3 of our lives in bed anyways!) make sure to check out @brooklinen and use the code daniellenicole to get $20 off $100 or more! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#gifted #mybrooklinenstyle #cornerofmyhome #bedroominspo #bedroomstyle #mycozyhome #bedroomideas
Anyone else not a big fan of maternity clothing? Anyone else not a big fan of maternity clothing? 
I have absolutely zero desire to buy maternity clothes so seeing how long I can make what’s in my closet work for me. 
Thankful I get to live in dresses, shorts and bathing suits this summer but dreading being in my third trimester during the hottest months here in the Northeast. 
If your pregnant this summer let’s be friends! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#momstyle #pregnancystyle #pregnantmama #23weekspregnant #joyfulmamas #mamaswithstyle #pregnantstyle #pregnantlife #targetstyle #targetmom #targetfinds #affordablestyle #ltkunder50 #secondtrimester
Anyone else struggle getting enough sleep? I know Anyone else struggle getting enough sleep? I know I do, especially lately.
(ad) @marlowpillow is helping me get better sleep with their cooling, memory foam pillows that are adjustable to the firmness that you like. Making my bed a cozier place to be allows me to get the rest my body is desperate for. Make sure to check out my stories to learn more! 
And the more you buy, the more you save so keep that in mind when your looking to update your space! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#mycozyhome #homedecorinspo #bedroominspo #cozybedroom #pregnancylife #bettersleep #bedtimereading #momlifeunfiltered #pregnantmama #motherhoodsimplified #bedroomstyling #sleepytime
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